At the beginning of our relationship, we said that our relationship would be founded on Christ. To be honest, I absolutely love that about you; but we both know how difficult that was for us. Our dating and engagement seemed like an eternity of waiting, trying to remain pure, but we are better because of it and I thank you for that.
John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” When we were dating, I often wondered why it was so difficult to love you unconditionally. I mean, seriously, I would have done anything for you. I would have taken a punch, a bullet, a bad comment - anything! But it took me a really long time to fully comprehend the idea of laying down my life for you. I understood the concept, but in all practical terms, I was unwilling to lay my entire life down for you.
There were times when I felt as if you had cut me out of your life (however brief those experiences might have been) or rejected me as a person and I didn’t understand why that would happen. I had told you that I would lay down my life for you, so why wouldn’t you do the exact same for me? And as often as I came upon these thoughts (and you know that my brain rarely shuts off), I just as frequently found myself completing an illogical circuit of reasoning. Despite the fact that I was willing to lay down my physical life, I had reservations and conditions on laying down the rest of my life.
Every unreasoned action, every inappropriate comment, every illogical conclusion on your part presented a condition on my part. I was only willing to concede to you the things that made sense to me. When you had to work through a problem, I only listened to the point of fixing it. When you dealt with a rough day, I only gave you space or comforted you to the point that I was not put out. When you were spontaneous in your life, I only joined along until I felt like an idiot.
But laying down my life for you soon began to change and take shape. As I grew more comfortable with who I was as a person, I realized that I could join in on your spontaneity, because it meant that I had a chance to share a moment with you. I was able to listen with fewer thoughts of fixing, because I realized that God was the only one who could shape you. And, I learned the appropriate times to console you and when to just keep my stupid mouth shut.
It wasn’t easy for me, and from the fights and quarrels that we went through I know it wasn’t easy for you. But we made it…eventually. And we are definitely the better for it. If someone were to ask me how I love you, I would answer that it is with fury tempered with patience.
I’ve often wondered why you stuck around so long, but have concluded that you saw something in me that presented a spark of hope. Now that I’ve achieved perfection (obvious sarcasm for any novice reading this), I realize that I love you more than day one and wouldn’t have taken any other journey to get there. So as we continue to walk this road, just remember that God is the glue that keeps us together long enough to work out our stupid idiosyncrasies.
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