So I says to Myself, "Myself, you really need to do something about that suckerfish. He's constantly harassing the other fish and he's grown too large for the tank."
Myself responded with, "How are you going to get him out (assuming he's actually a him and not a her - not that it really matters)?"
"Well," Self said as he looked pensively into Myself's deeply wondering eyes, "I don't really know. Alls I know is that I have to try."
And with that they began cleaning out the tank. On the first day of cleaning, the main priority was getting the tank operating at an optimum level. If they didn't catch the suckerfish on day one, that was OK. But by day two, if they didn't net the suckerfish, there was no way they would continue the project. It had to be that day.
As day two approached, Self and Myself were frightfully anticipating the imminent battle that was to occur on the high seas. Knowing that there was only one day in which they could complete the task, they threw everything in to planning and scripting how the battle would unfold.
At dawn, at the cusp of the terrifying moment, the anticipation of what lay beyond was almost too much to take in. The two young men marched into the room of terror to face their destiny. One grabbed the fish net, while the other took up a very nice, slightly used plastic pitcher that was previously used for making Kool-Aid and pink lemonade. Forward they went, knowing that their lives depended on catching the fish.
For what seemed like an eternity, but was probably more like two hours, the battle was played out. Strategically they fought the fish, while he knowingly avoided capture. When it seemed that he was on the verge of giving up, the boys gave a last-ditch effort to try and sack the elusive scoundrel.
Out of no where, the fish magically appeared in the net of Myself. Some say that Poseidon, himself, was the reason for the capture. Others insist that the fish gave up. Regardless of the reason, he was caught. His day had been marked and he would be no more.
The funeral dirge began playing as Self and Myself began hauling the bucket that contained the sukerfish to its final resting place. The march seemed interminable, but -
There was a plop on the ground! As Self and Myself looked into the bucket of refuse, they noticed that the fish was gone. Quickly, with palpitating hearts, they scanned the floor to find the suckerfish. With great speed, they found him and attempted to recapture him, but he hung tenaciously to the tile floor, sucking to save his life. The boys, however, were the victors, knowing that the suckerfish had little life to which he could cling. Again, they continued their slow, but steady march to the porcelain tomb of the suckerfish - the burial ground of its ancestors.
Upon entering the tomb, they quickly proceeded with dumping the fish down the toilet, knowing that to rid him from their lives, they could not wait any longer. As they kicked the toilet's flush-extender handle thing, they suddenly realized their error in judgement. He was a suckerfish and he was NOT going to go down the drain. The boys started sweating as they, again, kicked the toilet's flush-extender handle thing, but it was to no avail. The fish hung on for dear life.
After the third flush, they realized that a man was quietly sitting in the tomb next to them, listening to their hurried actions. Knowing that they could save embarrassment if they hurried, they ran out of the restroom and back to their discarded weapons. Self grabbed the pitcher, while Myself grabbed his trident. Running back, they hoped that the fish had lost all hope and released his grip on life; but upon reentering the tomb, they realized that it was a false hope.
Quickly scooping him out of the tomb they, once again, saw the quiet man's shoes. Not wanting to be found out, they left the tomb with all speed, never to return with another suckerfish. Not wanting to continue the agony, Self and Myself decided that the fish's life must be ended. They discarded him into an undisclosed trash can, never to see him again.
Life changed for the boys after that day. They were proud and strong, but they had learned an important lesson for life: know your enemy.
No comments:
Post a Comment