Honestly, I'm not thrilled about the prospect of forgiving them. The social justice side of me wants to speak out, "But, they need to be held accountable!!" I'll share with you tonight's lesson from the track.
I was walking, as I sometimes do when I cannot run (by sometimes, I really mean a lot) and having a conversation with myself. Well, I was really having a conversation with "the other person." There were a lot of "Oh ya, do you know what you did??" statements and also calls for repentance. But, the entire time I was NOT convincing the other person to see my side of the argument (interesting, since it was ultimately myself).
I finally pulled my wild card. I mean, I had "the other person" dead to rights with this card. There was no escaping, no denying - NOTHING. This was the "God" card.
"If you were standing in the presence of God, you would have to repent. If you don't, then God is going to smite you." I don't think I actually said smite, but I like the word, so it'll fit closely enough. I was there, intimately looking for a response. God was standing next to me and He said, "If there is no repentance, then you make the call and I will end the life of 'the other person.'"
WHOA - wait a minute! You mean to tell me that I get to make the call? This was the moment. I could finally get an apology! This was the thing for which I had been arguing until my legs hurt from walking.
And, then it hit me. I was condemning this person to death. The judgement that I was to deal out, was the judgement that is reserved only for God. But, He said I could! No. But, "the other person" deserves it! No. In that moment, I knew that I had no more argument left.
How could I, a sinner just like "the other person," justify anyone's life? To this moment, I still feel a sense of loss, as if I had really pulled the trigger or swung the axe. I wanted it so badly, even if it meant the other person's condemnation to an eternity in hell.
I hope you learn from my mistake. Maybe "your other person" has done worse than mine. If that's the case, then you have a longer road to walk. I can't say that I envy either of our situations, but I can say that mine is ending in forgiveness.
One of my fears is that "the other person" will hurt me again after I forgive. The truth is, I can't control that. I can only promise to remain faithful to God and ask that He direct my steps. I hope that you can do the same.
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