Letters to My Wife, Chapter 5

Do you remember the day that I asked you to marry me? Good grief - I was so nervous! All that day I couldn't get you off of my mind. I rehearsed the speech probably a thousand times, continually going over the nuances. In fact, I think I had proposed and responded with a 'no' about half of those times.

As I think back to that day, I have to remember the journey that took me there. We both know that I was arrogant and cocky before I met you. In fact, if we're being honest, my inner monologue probably went something like, "Why wouldn't she want me? I'm a pretty good candidate, so there's no way she can say no." I would probably have to apologize every day for the rest of my life if you weren't as forgiving as you are. I often ask myself what I was thinking with that attitude, but the only thing that I can come up with is, "I wasn't thinking."

Despite all of this, however, the thing that finally led me to ask you the question was the absence of all pride in our relationship. I had spent so many years thinking that I had life, love, and the pursuit of happiness figured out, that I completely lost track of the real goal: the journey. After spending some time with Pappy one day, he decided to share something that I never thought I would ever hear leave his lips. He said, "Bryan, your grandmother and I probably should've been divorced a thousand times over." Imagine my shock after hearing a man I fully esteem admit to failure. I couldn't believe that he would say something like this - not MY Pappy.

After trying to quiet my racing mind and get back on track with his story, I finally heard him say, "The reason we didn't quit was because of the children. When we both thought that there was no solution possible, we let go of our own idea of what was right in order to make our family work." Well, this brought Pappy down from the level of demi-god to human, and frankly, I wasn't sure if I liked it.

But I mulled over his statements and brought myself to the point of understanding the true meaning behind his words. The marriage was not about me. The relationship was not about me. In fact (and I know most of you already know this), nothing has ever been about me. Only after I realized this could I approach you with giving up your life for me. I couldn't ask you to do something that I was not willing to do myself; therefore, I was never going to ask you until I was sure that I could give myself up.

I had so much trouble withe my proposal speech, because nothing I could say made sense. Asking you to marry me was one-sided. Having you for my wife is one-sided. I've always come out on the winning end and in most cases I feel guilty for that. But, since you said 'yes', I figure that you realized this too and were still willing to go for it. And for that, I thank you!