Letters to my Wife, Chapter 4

I'm thinking about the first time that I said, "I love you."

We've talked about the fact that love doesn't come easy to me. You know, as well as I do, that love is quite possibly the farthest thing from natural that I can think of. And yet, it's the most important command outlined in the Bible. So, when I think of all of the people to whom I have said, "I love you," most of them have been "I'm really trying hard to follow the commands of our Lord, so I am going to put forth every effort to make sure that love is a priority in our relationship" statements. But the first time that I made the statement to you, it was as natural as if I were saying it to one of my family members - it just made sense.

In Genesis 2:18, God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable (suitable) to him." This is the first time in which God actually notices something in His creation that is "not good". He was obviously concerned about the well-being of Adam; and since He had created Adam in His image, there was the need for a relational component.

I used to wonder about marriages in the Old and New Testaments. I had this notion that everything was a business deal - cold-hearted and political. But the more I consider God's original intent, I see that He was taking care of our needs (and I don't just mean sex and procreation). He was literally providing us with a suitable partner for sharing life.

So when I consider the first time that I said, "I love you," I remember the feeling of completion, knowing that when I was with you, I was "completely and incandescently happy" (to quote Pride and Prejudice - yes, I did). Being with you is no longer about who's right or wrong, although we know that still comes into play. It's no longer about status, power or pride, even if I do think that I'm the luckiest man in the world and that no one else compares. And it no longer seems to be about the competition over who wins in the end. It's just contentment - knowing that I am perfectly in the will of God for my life and that I have someone with whom I can share everything. And that's why saying, "I love you," was not forced, but seemed as natural as everything else in life.