No Greater Honor

Tonight, I saw God breathe life into a new creature. He had been living for 16 years before, but it wasn't a viable life. After he had decided that giving his life to Christ would completely change his life, he said to me, "Bryan, I owe you big time." At the time, I realized that I couldn't convince him that he owed me nothing, but I have faith that, in time, he will realize that I do what I do, because I love Christ.

I get a paycheck as a youth minister, but no amount of money can repay the feeling of leading someone to Christ. And leading someone to Christ never grows old. I can tell someone the plan of salvation in my sleep, but when they have the "aha" moment and God is able to speak breath into their life, I cannot help but feel the elation.

There is no way that he, or anyone else, can repay me for a moment in which I was but a witness. Christ renews Himself to me through moments like this, moments in which His covenant is played out. To be in pursuit of anything other than these moments is to practice futility. And, the very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again with the same results: futility.

I intend to not let that honor go to waste.

Do the Unexpected this Time

I was waiting at a stop light, while on the way to Grandma's for our annual Thanksgiving luncheon, when I noticed a man and his son in the corner parking lot. The both got out of the car and slowly walked to a check-cashing store. The father pulled on the door handle, but when he realized that it was locked and they were closed for business, he turned to the son with a sigh. They both shuffled back to the car as they discussed what they would now do, since they wouldn't be able to get a cash advance.

As I waited there, still trying to get warm in the car, I was reminded of an incident in my life, in which I had met my limit with the bank (I love hearing the words "insufficient funds") and had to be turned away, because the store didn't take credit cards. Fortunately for me, I had the cash that I needed at home; but what about the man and his son, who dejectedly walked back to the car?

It seems that, in the holiday season, most of us are walking hurriedly to accomplish some task (gift shopping, grocery shopping, decorations shopping, etc.), and throughout the entire length of the holiday season, we completely lose track of time. In fact, last night, I had the amazing opportunity of administering my very first solo communion service, and I reminded the congregation that we cannot rush through it - we are charged with remembering Christ. And yet, that very night, as soon as church was done, I was rushing to the very next thing - I still had an agenda to complete.

This year, I challenge you to do the unexpected. Slow down your life and consider the God who gave us everything that we need. I can only postulate about the situation of the man on the street corner, who couldn't get a cash advance, but it seems that his time for payment had finally come. Rather than finding yourself with "insufficient funds", do the unexpected and life life for something other than money.

My family started a tradition a couple years ago that I hope we continue to observe: not giving gifts. Rather than trying to figure out how much money we're going to spend on each other, we spend time looking for an organization that could use the money more than us. This year, there is an opportunity to give young women a Christmas party in Thailand. Women, who are purchased for sex every evening, will be purchased for a Christmas party. For some of the women, this will be their very first Christmas. They will hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ, perhaps for the first time, and will have an opportunity to feel love, rather lust. Imagine the transformation that can take place in their lives, because someone decided to help them, rather than help themselves.

If you have it within your ability, do something for someone else. That's what Jesus did. As much as I hate to repeat fad, the phrase, "What Would Jesus Do?" is really quite appropriate. How did He give His life for you? In like fashion, give your life for someone in return. I guarantee that your life will be transformed, when you allow the unexpected to happen this year. Try it!

The Suckerfish Saga

A requirement of maintaining one's tank is that he/she also takes fish out that do not like to play nicely. The following is a story about a fish that would not play nicely...

So I says to Myself, "Myself, you really need to do something about that suckerfish. He's constantly harassing the other fish and he's grown too large for the tank."

Myself responded with, "How are you going to get him out (assuming he's actually a him and not a her - not that it really matters)?"

"Well," Self said as he looked pensively into Myself's deeply wondering eyes, "I don't really know. Alls I know is that I have to try."

And with that they began cleaning out the tank. On the first day of cleaning, the main priority was getting the tank operating at an optimum level. If they didn't catch the suckerfish on day one, that was OK. But by day two, if they didn't net the suckerfish, there was no way they would continue the project. It had to be that day.

As day two approached, Self and Myself were frightfully anticipating the imminent battle that was to occur on the high seas. Knowing that there was only one day in which they could complete the task, they threw everything in to planning and scripting how the battle would unfold.

At dawn, at the cusp of the terrifying moment, the anticipation of what lay beyond was almost too much to take in. The two young men marched into the room of terror to face their destiny. One grabbed the fish net, while the other took up a very nice, slightly used plastic pitcher that was previously used for making Kool-Aid and pink lemonade. Forward they went, knowing that their lives depended on catching the fish.

For what seemed like an eternity, but was probably more like two hours, the battle was played out. Strategically they fought the fish, while he knowingly avoided capture. When it seemed that he was on the verge of giving up, the boys gave a last-ditch effort to try and sack the elusive scoundrel.

Out of no where, the fish magically appeared in the net of Myself. Some say that Poseidon, himself, was the reason for the capture. Others insist that the fish gave up. Regardless of the reason, he was caught. His day had been marked and he would be no more.

The funeral dirge began playing as Self and Myself began hauling the bucket that contained the sukerfish to its final resting place. The march seemed interminable, but -

There was a plop on the ground! As Self and Myself looked into the bucket of refuse, they noticed that the fish was gone. Quickly, with palpitating hearts, they scanned the floor to find the suckerfish. With great speed, they found him and attempted to recapture him, but he hung tenaciously to the tile floor, sucking to save his life. The boys, however, were the victors, knowing that the suckerfish had little life to which he could cling. Again, they continued their slow, but steady march to the porcelain tomb of the suckerfish - the burial ground of its ancestors.

Upon entering the tomb, they quickly proceeded with dumping the fish down the toilet, knowing that to rid him from their lives, they could not wait any longer. As they kicked the toilet's flush-extender handle thing, they suddenly realized their error in judgement. He was a suckerfish and he was NOT going to go down the drain. The boys started sweating as they, again, kicked the toilet's flush-extender handle thing, but it was to no avail. The fish hung on for dear life.

After the third flush, they realized that a man was quietly sitting in the tomb next to them, listening to their hurried actions. Knowing that they could save embarrassment if they hurried, they ran out of the restroom and back to their discarded weapons. Self grabbed the pitcher, while Myself grabbed his trident. Running back, they hoped that the fish had lost all hope and released his grip on life; but upon reentering the tomb, they realized that it was a false hope.

Quickly scooping him out of the tomb they, once again, saw the quiet man's shoes. Not wanting to be found out, they left the tomb with all speed, never to return with another suckerfish. Not wanting to continue the agony, Self and Myself decided that the fish's life must be ended. They discarded him into an undisclosed trash can, never to see him again.

Life changed for the boys after that day. They were proud and strong, but they had learned an important lesson for life: know your enemy.

People Watching in Vegas

I'm sitting in the McCarran airport on the first of two layovers. Since I find people watching to be such a fascinating experience, I thought I would share some of my thoughts.

First, and foremost, people are way too concerned with looking good in the airport. I mean, really? Are you really looking to pick someone up in the airport or is that just some form of self-esteem boost that you get when flying? Now, I know what you're thinking...Bryan, I bet you're just as concerned about yourself as the person sitting across from you in the terminal. There is some truth to that, but I would also like to think that the self-awareness factor trumps...But I could be wrong, and it wouldn't be the first time. I think God created these for the purpose of spreading the fashion techniques lost from ancient Egypt.

Who actually plays the slots in the middle of an airport? Yes, obviously I can see the people sitting there, but I guess I'm wondering "Why?" I mean, I don't gamble, but if I was going to, I would rather do it in a different environment than an airport. I just seems so...cheesy...stupid...wasteful...insert your own adjective. And yet, they rush to it as if it's a "new" phenomenon. I wish I could just get inside of their heads and see what's really going on in there, which leads me to self-reflection #2: I should have been a psychologist. I think God created these people to sharpen all of the rest of humanity.

Then there are the people who look bored out of their minds. I guess you can group me in that category. A two-hour layover will do that to you. Then again, the three-hour that I have coming up will be fun. At least I have my laptop. Some people look as if they are going to fall asleep with their eyes open, because they dont' know what else to do. If a fly were to land on their nose, I'm pretty sure that they would try to grab it to pluck off its wings - dumb action is better than none at all, right? I think God created them to have fun, but they forgot it back at home.

Oh, and apparently not EVERYone has iPods these days. I guess I'm used to walking around with my youth group, in which everyone seems to "need" their portable music device just to function. Granted, I'm sitting here with a number of older individuals who might have a heart attack if the music was turned up too loudly. I think God created them for a relationship, but they missed that part of the Bible.

I also feel sorry for the people that are turned away at the terminal. Whether they missed their flight or were on standby, it's still rather sad to see them walk away dejected. They're definitely not as fun as the people who run on the people movers, because they're afraid that walking for themselves will strain a muscle. I think God created them for comic relief, but they haven't been given a microphone yet.

Oh, and I LOVE the guy carrying a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts onto the plane. How wrong is that? The people on the plane will probably kill him before they even take off. Just reminds me of when God created Cain...not sure that I have any other comments on that subject.

Finally, I have to wonder about the airport workers. I mean, they must have a wonderful time watching someone walk by four times due to the fact that they got lost and didn't listen to the directions the first time. Oops...five times. I typed too soon. Interestingly enough, "I Will Survive" is playing (when not interrupted by the annoyingly monotonous pages coming through the speakers) in the background and it seems a very fitting song for that poor lady. If I see her walk by again, I won't bother informing you. God created her...for a good reason. A very good reason and I'll try to remember to ask when I reach heaven.

Oh, and the guy who's shirt got pulled up in his backpack and is showing off his completely white mid-section.

And the guy with his "Vegas" shirt!

And the people wearing pajamas.

And the guy wearing his unsightly white undershirt in public...must not be married...

Oh - the guy in the muscle shirt with an interesting tan line.

And the lady who keeps answering her phone behind me, only to get the person on the other end to hang up as quickly as possible. Isn't that why they invented voicemail?

And the young parents who have never taken their three- and five-year-old kids out into public and are now not sure what to do with them.

And the guy wearing an outfit so similar to mine that it makes me wonder about my own wardrobe selection...

Oh, and I almost missed it! The lady who wears the "CHANGE" vest. Apparently she cashes in change for the people playing the slots...that's funny. We've moved away from an automated change dispenser and made the process more "customer-service friendly."

I guess I figured out what the lady behind me is doing on the phone. I guess she's returning all of her "voicemails;" but she says "so" and "um" a LOT. That would definitely annoy me...oh wait - it actually is.

And lastly, the guy who looks like he should belong to the Russian mafia, but is on "vacation" and trying to figure out how to use his portable music device.

Man, this is so fun when you get started - oh that lady looks like my mom - that I don't want to stop, but will if you happened to keep reading this far. Have a great day!

Joshua, My Colleague

I submit to you this statement on behalf of the exceptional work completed by Josh Flick during his term of service in my office. Rest assured that this is not an official document, but rather a personal reflection as a grateful colleague.

There are very few men to whom I can attribute the mark of integrity without reservation or hesitation. I, for one, cannot even attribute that quality to myself, because I know my inner spirit all too well. Josh, however, is the exception to the rule, and the following will outline his distinguishable service to the office and university.

I will start at the end and work backward, since today is still fresh in my mind. Up until the very last minute, anyone who did not know Josh personally would have thought that he was a long-term employee and would arrive at work the next morning for another dayʼs worth of work. On his very last day, he was moving furniture for the very people that were replacing him; he was filing, calling, helping through the duration of the day rather than wasting time around the office; he was doing everything that he normally did to provide an honest dayʼs work. Even when the temptation to leave early occurred to him, he stayed through his normal working hours. I asked myself why someone would do this, but came up with only one answer: integrity.

But one day should not be the entire measure of this man. Every single day, with the exception of a handful of days which required his attention elsewhere, Josh came in on or before time, took a short lunch, and then stayed until the office closed. There was no need for him to give an extra half hour or hour each day, but he did, because he was asked to keep his shift late. Could he have taken a longer lunch? Yes, but there was always someone or something that needed his attention and his full attention was continually given.

When told that he was working his last day as if it were his first, his response was, “Why should today be any different? Why should today change?” What I find most unfathomable about this situation is the fact that Josh was not here to be taught, but to teach. In each and every moment of his work, he was dedicated to making the life of someone else more pleasing, more productive or more secure in Christ. If anyone deserves to be blessed of God it is him.

I normally do not consider that any human should deserve God's blessing, but if I changed my opinion, Josh would be one of the select few. So I pray God's richest blessings upon him for his influence, his character, his integrity, and his continual Christ-like love. When someone proves to be a true Christian, I think they should be recognized, if only to show others that it is possible to do. May his example shine for others to catch and adopt.

Blessings Joshua!

The State of Contentment

In Philippians 4, Paul talks discusses contentment: what is contentment; how do we view contentment; why contentment is necessary. The more I consider Paul's words, the more I am inclined to think of him as super-human. Was he really content in every situation or was he just talking for the sake of encouragement?? Knowing Paul, as the rhetorician that he was, he probably wasn't talking to just fill space. So, if that is the case, how did he do it?

Thinking back on Paul's past, he was ship-wrecked, beaten and left for dead, imprisoned, and ultimately sent to face Caesar. Not that I'm equating myself with such a great man, but I see myself as very similar to Paul. I am starting to think that God had to continually break down Paul's pride. Growing up, I always thought of Paul as the "example" - that the stories in the Bible, while true, were given to use for encouragement. But, the older I get, the more I realize that Paul had some personal issues that had to be addressed. Maybe he could only learn contentment after God had allowed him to face so many terrible situations.

Therefore, I'm inclined to think that Paul could only find contentment after allowing himself to be made free in Christ. For Paul, that journey took him through trial after trial. Could he have learned after one major catastrophe? Sure! But do you? Do I? But please do not confuse contentment with complacency. Those are two very different words, but are often equated to mean the same thing. God could only speak to Paul, after he had been emptied of Paul.

So what does this mean in terms of life today? Well, the most immediate answer that comes to mind is that I have to understand that, despite my circumstances, I am going to face trials. Each of those hardships is going to give me an option or a choice: do I allow God to change my life or do I continue to resist His perfect and pleasing will? Often, I have the audacity to tell God that my way is better. Once I finish stating my case, He says, "OK, let's try this again." After about the fourth or fifth attempt, God finally gets my attention and I start to learn contentment for that particular situation.

For me, the process of learning contentment goes in stages. While I am a very quick learner at work or with other skills, I can't seem to master the idea that God's plan is ALWAYS better than mine. So the tango that He and I dance, seems to be a long one. My encouragement to you is this: when you hear God saying, "Go," "Stop," "Wait," listen to Him. He really does have a good inkling for what should happen to keep the world spinning.

Letters to My Wife, Chapter 5

Do you remember the day that I asked you to marry me? Good grief - I was so nervous! All that day I couldn't get you off of my mind. I rehearsed the speech probably a thousand times, continually going over the nuances. In fact, I think I had proposed and responded with a 'no' about half of those times.

As I think back to that day, I have to remember the journey that took me there. We both know that I was arrogant and cocky before I met you. In fact, if we're being honest, my inner monologue probably went something like, "Why wouldn't she want me? I'm a pretty good candidate, so there's no way she can say no." I would probably have to apologize every day for the rest of my life if you weren't as forgiving as you are. I often ask myself what I was thinking with that attitude, but the only thing that I can come up with is, "I wasn't thinking."

Despite all of this, however, the thing that finally led me to ask you the question was the absence of all pride in our relationship. I had spent so many years thinking that I had life, love, and the pursuit of happiness figured out, that I completely lost track of the real goal: the journey. After spending some time with Pappy one day, he decided to share something that I never thought I would ever hear leave his lips. He said, "Bryan, your grandmother and I probably should've been divorced a thousand times over." Imagine my shock after hearing a man I fully esteem admit to failure. I couldn't believe that he would say something like this - not MY Pappy.

After trying to quiet my racing mind and get back on track with his story, I finally heard him say, "The reason we didn't quit was because of the children. When we both thought that there was no solution possible, we let go of our own idea of what was right in order to make our family work." Well, this brought Pappy down from the level of demi-god to human, and frankly, I wasn't sure if I liked it.

But I mulled over his statements and brought myself to the point of understanding the true meaning behind his words. The marriage was not about me. The relationship was not about me. In fact (and I know most of you already know this), nothing has ever been about me. Only after I realized this could I approach you with giving up your life for me. I couldn't ask you to do something that I was not willing to do myself; therefore, I was never going to ask you until I was sure that I could give myself up.

I had so much trouble withe my proposal speech, because nothing I could say made sense. Asking you to marry me was one-sided. Having you for my wife is one-sided. I've always come out on the winning end and in most cases I feel guilty for that. But, since you said 'yes', I figure that you realized this too and were still willing to go for it. And for that, I thank you!

Why Men Anger Me

Wait - aren't you a man? Yes, but I still get angry at myself...

I was watching Memoirs of a Geisha last night, because I think it's a wonderfully made film, but I found myself getting more and more ticked, the longer I watched it. I know that Japan has (and still does) a different society, but there are some things that should just be kept sacred.

For those of you unfamiliar with the world of the geisha, it is often seen through the lens of misconception - mostly due to the U.S. involvement in Japan during the time after World War II. But the life of a geisha originated from the idea that men needed to be entertained, because their wives and children were not the end-all to their family lives. In fact, Japan had such a loose culture when it came to sexual pleasure, that the wives were completely aware of the habit of courtesans and often encouraged their husbands to visit them. Geisha, however, were seen as the artists, not the prostitutes. While there were times in which sex was involved, they prided themselves on being able to entertain and entice men without the physical attachment.

But my problem doesn't so much lie with the fact that geisha separated themselves from the average prostitute, rather it has to do with the fact that there were courtesans in the first place. At what point did it become OK to live outside the marriage for things that a wife is supposed to provide? AND, when did it become acceptable to swap women as if they were property?

When I read Genesis 2, I see that God provided one woman for Adam, and that to be a compatible/suitable helper. As we read throughout the Bible, despite Hebrew culture, we see that women are to be respected and cared for. So when I see what has become of humanity, it disgusts me. Don't get me wrong, I'm as much a sinner as the next person; but I see that we are failing to produce men that stand up for what is right. In fact, we have plenty of men that fail to even stand up for their wives...If your wife has been disrespected or is in trouble, GOOD GRIEF, do something about it.

I know we have the saying, "Women: Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em," but I'm really starting to question the validity of manliness, chivalry, and virtue in today's society. And often, I think that I'm so sensitive to the matter, because of my own inability to avoid the pitfalls of society.

Males, if you want to call yourselves men, then I suggest we get back to the basics of Christian living. Honor her, because she is to be our "crown" (Proverbs 12).

The God of Bryan

I've been fascinated with the way that God is portrayed in the Old Testament - especially through the Pentateuch. Often people refer back to Him as the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, which reveals an intimate ownership or claim. I understand that Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were the patriarchs of the Israelite tradition, but then He's also referenced as the God of Moses - the spiritual leader of that same tradition.

I'm guessing that Abraham didn't actually refer to God as the "God of Abraham", but he did claim Him as his Leader, Guide, and Creator. Abraham revealed Him to others and encouraged those same people to follow in his footsteps, in worshipping the God that created all life in the universe. If I am going to follow in Abraham's footsteps, I too want to lead others in worshipping our Lord and Savior. But, in order to do that, I want people to know that He is MY God...not just the God of my parents, not just the God of my church, but my God - my intimately close, but reverently far God.

When I say that He is the God of Bryan, it is my way of allowing accountability in public. People may say, "Wait Bryan, I thought you said that He was your God? So why haven't you proven it lately?" But, I would rather claim Him publicly and fail, then live very well but not bring anyone along with me on the journey. Doesn't He deserve to have our praise and our glory? Doesn't He deserve to be recognized for His amazing power and might? Doesn't He deserve my full and unswerving love? Then He also deserves my acknowledgement of these things.

I hope that you claim Him as your God. Not that He can be contained within a box or bent to your will; but rather that He is the only thing in your life worth living for. Give it a shot!

Letters to my Wife, Chapter 4

I'm thinking about the first time that I said, "I love you."

We've talked about the fact that love doesn't come easy to me. You know, as well as I do, that love is quite possibly the farthest thing from natural that I can think of. And yet, it's the most important command outlined in the Bible. So, when I think of all of the people to whom I have said, "I love you," most of them have been "I'm really trying hard to follow the commands of our Lord, so I am going to put forth every effort to make sure that love is a priority in our relationship" statements. But the first time that I made the statement to you, it was as natural as if I were saying it to one of my family members - it just made sense.

In Genesis 2:18, God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable (suitable) to him." This is the first time in which God actually notices something in His creation that is "not good". He was obviously concerned about the well-being of Adam; and since He had created Adam in His image, there was the need for a relational component.

I used to wonder about marriages in the Old and New Testaments. I had this notion that everything was a business deal - cold-hearted and political. But the more I consider God's original intent, I see that He was taking care of our needs (and I don't just mean sex and procreation). He was literally providing us with a suitable partner for sharing life.

So when I consider the first time that I said, "I love you," I remember the feeling of completion, knowing that when I was with you, I was "completely and incandescently happy" (to quote Pride and Prejudice - yes, I did). Being with you is no longer about who's right or wrong, although we know that still comes into play. It's no longer about status, power or pride, even if I do think that I'm the luckiest man in the world and that no one else compares. And it no longer seems to be about the competition over who wins in the end. It's just contentment - knowing that I am perfectly in the will of God for my life and that I have someone with whom I can share everything. And that's why saying, "I love you," was not forced, but seemed as natural as everything else in life.

Servitude

While reading Psalm 143, I was reminded of a concept that I had let slip away from my conscious thought. The Message states it in this way, "Keep up your reputation, God - give me life! In your justice, get me out of this trouble! In your great love, vanquish my enemies; make a clean sweep of those who harass me. And why? Because I'm your servant" (vv. 11-12). Why should God even consider any of this?? Because I have given my life in service to Him.

Servitude to Christ seems to be a lost art. In fact, in the United States, you rarely find someone willing to give themselves over as a slave to Christ. We give service to sin; we give service to others; we even give service to ourselves; but we don't give service to Christ. My question is "why"? Why am I (are you, are we) unwilling to give ourselves in complete surrender to Christ? And lip service doesn't count!

I'd like to consider the life of a real slave - someone in bondage to sin. You can take any sin, but for the sake of painting a clear picture, I'm going to use a very visual sin: sexual bondage. Now, most of us don't always think of fornication or adultery as bondage, but in truth it is. Giving oneself to someone in this manner (at least as far as the Bible is concerned) is the same as connecting or chaining or gluing ourselves to them. We have formed a connection that cannot be severed without pain, loss, and torture. In fact, when the person does separate from the other, they are continually reminded of the experience(s), because it is ingrained into their memory.

Now, consider this same act with multiple partners and you can begin to see why people are drawn to sex. It's no longer about the pleasure of the act, but rather about continually trying to fill the void of separation that has been formed from the first moment. To find healing, one can only turn to God, our true Healer. But, as a statement of self-worth and value, we tell ourselves that we can fix it on our own, and thus perpetuate the cycle.

Whether you see it now or not, this has an extremely negative effect on our emotions, our well-being, and our spiritual condition, because we have allowed someone else (or multiple people) to control our thoughts, feelings, and circumstances. When Paul tells us to take every thought into captivity, it's not for the sake of legalism, but rather for the purpose of pulling us out of the mire into which we continually sink on our own. This is the negative form of servitude.

But please allow me to consider the opposite - the positive form of servitude. If we were to take all of the energy and life that we pour into negative services and were to pour them into our service for God, all of the negative emotions, thoughts, and experiences would now be changed into positive ones. Servitude, or slavery, to God is no longer seen in the context of giving up our lives, but rather under the view that we are greatly impacted for the better because of knowing Him. Our weakness becomes our strength in Him. The more that we attach ourselves to God, the more that it hurts to tear ourselves away. The more that we glue ourselves to Him, the more we feel the hole of His absence. Through our bondage (consider the bonding process in this analogy) to Him, we have thus enable Him to be the one that controls our thoughts, feelings, and circumstances.

If I were to logically conclude that one view is better over the other, I can't deny the fact that allowing the Supreme Being in the universe to control my actions is an amazingly good thing. I can allow bondage to sin or I can allow bondage to God. When looking at this from a purely rational view, I have to judge that the only way to better my life is through service to God. Therefore, if I am to follow the footsteps of David into willful servitude of God, I have to stop thinking like Bryan. Interesting concept, ya?

Letters to my Wife, Chapter 3

Well, I understand that the question of purity has to come up at some point, so I might as well dive in. This letter, however, may be the hardest that I write, because talking about sex, intimacy, purity of though, and abstinence is, for me, a very private matter. However, in the attempt at full disclosure, I feel that it is necessary to continue on in honesty.

I saved myself for you - at least I thought I did. Growing up, I had this notion that sexual purity and abstinence was completely a physical thing. I mean, it's not like my dad didn't talk to me about lust or being a gentleman or all of those good things, because he did - quite awkwardly at times. But there are some things that you can only learn through failure that I had to experience for myself.

Recently, God has been teaching me about holistic purity: pure heart, mind, body, and soul. When I started my trek into puberty, I was only focused on one area - body. Dad said, "Don't look," so I tried not to. It wasn't because I didn't desire to look - because I did - but rather because I found myself constitutionally unable to purposefully disobey my father. If he told me to do something or not do something, I obeyed - even to the point of stupidity (but that's another 3 chapters). And I eventually found myself toeing the line, trying to see what I could and couldn't get away with as long as I obeyed my father. What I didn't realize throughout this process, was that I was more concerned about what my earthly father thought, than what my Heavenly Father though.

You ask, "Bryan, if you didn't touch her inappropriately or engage in sex outside of marriage, then how did you go wrong?" And my response would be, "In every way."

My father taught me to be a gentleman. I know that this is a lost cause in today's society, but I still believe in the virtue of chivalry and taking responsibility for one's actions. In my quest to become the man that my father is, I did just as much damage as good. How? By objectifying women, by selfishly making every relationship about me, by falling into the same traps that Satan lays for every other person out there. But worst of all, by thinking that I was superhuman.

Objectifying women is not just about physical appearance - although that also happened. Women desire to be loved, right (or so I'm told)? So how is keeping a young woman around just long enough to feel the warmth of a relationship and then leaving because you're not sure she's the "right fit" giving love? Wouldn't the better symbol of love be one that keeps you apart until you're sure? Caring more about her thoughts, feelings, and reactions more than giving in to the intimacy that you long for?

All of these thoughts bring me back to a central purpose in purity: a person can only be pure when then have emptied themselves of all inconsistencies and deformities. Because we are born into sin and have the impurities because of it, we can only be pure through remaining in God's refining fire. And that, my dear, is my new commitment to you - that I will allow God to purify me, so that I am no longer worried about my own sense of accomplishment. Nothing else really matters...

Spiritual Constipation

I started thinking about how I haven't had a chance to blog in awhile and my brain suddenly hit a spark - maybe you haven't been able to write, because you're constipated...spiritually of course. I mean, I've had a ton of ideas, but haven't been able to set any down. So it dawned on me that there could be more to the absence of new blogs than meets the eye. Recognizing that I don't necessarily want to be gross on purpose, the idea of spiritual constipation seems to be the only explanation that I can come up with.

Have you ever been at a place in life in which everything around you was so annoyingly obvious that you couldn't see the forrest through the trees? I've found that the annoyance of unaccomplishment (don't care if it's a real word at this point) seems to be the most intriguing part of this situation. But as I consider these ideas, I am reminded of a statement by John Ortberg,"If you need to try harder, then try harder. If you need to try softer, then try softer."

Which drives me to another conclusion...If I'm the one doing the trying, I'm not allowing God to do anything. Now, this is not an argument for challenging God, nor is it an excuse for not trying. But it does remind me that Christ requests that we allow Him to share our burdens - you know - something along the lines of "My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

So I am challenged to find a way through this. I have the option to rely on Christ and I have the alternative of trying to do it myself. If I really care enough about myself to make the change, then I have to consider which option has more spiritual fiber. There is no way that anything involving myself is spiritually good, because I know from past experiences that I am mostly junk food. Therefore I am left with only one option: relying on Christ. Don't get me wrong - I don't think that this is a bad option, nor do I consider it a last alternative. I'm merely stating that after exhausting all possibilities on my own, it's time to reconsider God's request for a meaningful relationship with me.

I have no idea if any of you are spiritually constipated, but I offer this - Christ died so that our burden would be easier. There was no way for us to meet God on our own, so He gave us a solution that was perfect. Resting in Jesus' power seems to be elusive if we cling to our own. So let go of yourself and rest in Him.

Letters to My Wife, Chapter 2

At the beginning of our relationship, we said that our relationship would be founded on Christ. To be honest, I absolutely love that about you; but we both know how difficult that was for us. Our dating and engagement seemed like an eternity of waiting, trying to remain pure, but we are better because of it and I thank you for that.

John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” When we were dating, I often wondered why it was so difficult to love you unconditionally. I mean, seriously, I would have done anything for you. I would have taken a punch, a bullet, a bad comment - anything! But it took me a really long time to fully comprehend the idea of laying down my life for you. I understood the concept, but in all practical terms, I was unwilling to lay my entire life down for you.

There were times when I felt as if you had cut me out of your life (however brief those experiences might have been) or rejected me as a person and I didn’t understand why that would happen. I had told you that I would lay down my life for you, so why wouldn’t you do the exact same for me? And as often as I came upon these thoughts (and you know that my brain rarely shuts off), I just as frequently found myself completing an illogical circuit of reasoning. Despite the fact that I was willing to lay down my physical life, I had reservations and conditions on laying down the rest of my life.

Every unreasoned action, every inappropriate comment, every illogical conclusion on your part presented a condition on my part. I was only willing to concede to you the things that made sense to me. When you had to work through a problem, I only listened to the point of fixing it. When you dealt with a rough day, I only gave you space or comforted you to the point that I was not put out. When you were spontaneous in your life, I only joined along until I felt like an idiot.

But laying down my life for you soon began to change and take shape. As I grew more comfortable with who I was as a person, I realized that I could join in on your spontaneity, because it meant that I had a chance to share a moment with you. I was able to listen with fewer thoughts of fixing, because I realized that God was the only one who could shape you. And, I learned the appropriate times to console you and when to just keep my stupid mouth shut.

It wasn’t easy for me, and from the fights and quarrels that we went through I know it wasn’t easy for you. But we made it…eventually. And we are definitely the better for it. If someone were to ask me how I love you, I would answer that it is with fury tempered with patience.

I’ve often wondered why you stuck around so long, but have concluded that you saw something in me that presented a spark of hope. Now that I’ve achieved perfection (obvious sarcasm for any novice reading this), I realize that I love you more than day one and wouldn’t have taken any other journey to get there. So as we continue to walk this road, just remember that God is the glue that keeps us together long enough to work out our stupid idiosyncrasies.

Letters to My Wife, Chapter 1

First of all, I love you - immensely. I am super-excited about us getting to share our lives together! The wait to intimately share my life with my wife has been excruciating, but I know that God allowed my patience to be tested in order to refine me for you. If I told you everything right now, you would have this marriage annulled, so I’ll just start with the simple stuff.

Apparently you like me, because we wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. But you have to know, that I liked me a lot too. In fact, I liked myself so much so that God decided that He needed to trim me down to size. I can truly tell you that it was the hardest thing that I have ever been through.

Pride has always been my weakness, and will probably continue to be so. I hate the fact that something has had such a huge hold over my life, but the reality of humanity shows that each of us have something. Mine happens to be something quite public at times, but also gives me much fear in honestly opening up to others.

I went through an extreme time in my life in which God disassembled my life (much like a car), repaired and replaced parts, and then reassembled me in a way that would be more pleasing to Him. During the process, I did a LOT of waiting around. It was as if I was in the waiting room of an auto body shop, but couldn’t leave until my car was completely done. And unfortunately, it took more that one day for me to allow God to finish the job.

He will still continue to work in my life, but for now, I am satisfied that His lessons for me have not been wasted. God spent much time teaching me to love. Since love does not come naturally to me, learning to love freely and fully was sincerely painful. I had learned to isolate myself from the rest of the world as a coping mechanism for loneliness, so trying to bring people back into my life was difficult and not something that I realized I was in need of.

But, in order to learn to love you, I had to learn to love myself a little less. Not to keep repeating this, but I loved myself a lot. Cutting myself out of the picture was like cutting off a limb. When people lose a limb, they often try to re-use the ghost limb - and that was what life was like for a long time. I didn’t know how to act if I wasn’t in the equation.

As God taught me about unconditional love, I realized that I would not be able to grow unless I completely let go of myself. And that meant loving you, even if you didn’t love me back yet. It also meant loving the unloveable. I was very vividly reminded of the fact that even the heathen love the lovable, but if I wanted to separate myself from the rest of the world, then I had to start loving the people who were getting “in the way” of my life.

My life was ordered, structured, and neatly set to allow me to anticipate what would happen from day to day; but I didn’t realize the impact that my own selfishness was having on everyone around me. In an attempt to classify and identify my world, I had alienated the people that were most dear. And, the only way that I could find you was to reconnect myself to the rest of the world around me. I know that sounds weird and counter-intuitive, but again, I could only find myself after I let go of myself.

But this I was willing to do, because I knew that you were completely worth any wait that I had inadvertently initiated through my own stubbornness. If you take anything from this chapter, it’s that my entire heart’s desire is to love and know you (obviously this is in addition to my love for God). What seemed like an eternity of patience has revealed itself to be a testing period - one that I would suffer again if it meant having you. Again, I love you, and look forward to the rest of our lives together.

Asking Too Much?

I was hit with a brick this morning as I taught out of II Kings 20. Hezekiah - a good king as far as the writer is concerned - was ill and told by Isaiah that he would not live much longer. In Hez's desire to live longer, he asked God to consider all that he had done and let him live. I mean, after all, was he not God's man? So God granted his request and before Isaiah had left the palace, God told him to turn back and tell Hez that he would live for another 15 years.

Interestingly enough, while he was allowed to live, Hez showed the envoy from Babylon everything that there was to see in the kingdom of Israel. In his desire to show off the riches that had been restored to Israel, he allowed the enemy to get in and make an assessment of the value and strength of Israel.

I've wondered about whether or not Hez was actually bosting or giving God the honor/glory, but my guess is that it was a moment of pride - something that he did b/c of where the Israelites used to be. They were down and barely surviving, and then God restored them to a place of glory. Through this, he inadvertently let the enemy see his weakness and thus opened Israel up to another invasion.

I've also been wondering about God's perspective in this whole thing. Did God say, "You want it? Fine - you get it," when he spared Hez's life? Was God cynical about the whole thing? Obviously God knew what was going on and what would happen in the future, but why did God really allow Hez to live? Was it just the catalyst for the invasion?

And now getting to the point of our lives...how often have we said, "God, just give it to me b/c I'm your child," and then received His gift to later wonder why we asked in the first place? Every good gift comes from above, but do we ever ask for too much? Sometimes when we ask, God allows us to have what we want, even though He knows that it may eventually trip us up in the future. It's like a kid asking for another piece of pizza after they've already had 3. Although we know they will be sick after eating the fourth piece, they relentlessly continue asking, because they really, really want it. So we allow them to have it and then sit back and laugh as they look miserable for the rest of the night.

Is that what God was thinking? Is that how He responded? Or was it merely an innocent, "Yes, my child, you may have the desire of your heart"? I'm just thinking out loud - I don't actually have an answer... :)

Neighborhood Spectacle

So, when my brother asked me to help trim the trees in our parents' yard, I didn't think that it would be this kind of experience...

If you know me well enough, you understand that I come from and live in a multicultural neighborhood. Doesn't really bother me much, so when people ask why I'm the only white guy on the block, it almost makes me wonder why they can't see for themselves. Bottom line, it's what I'm used to.

We went into the back yard with the saw and clippers and got everything set to work. We could smell Grandpa's (that's what we call the elderly Asian gentleman that lives next door) pipe tobacco and knew it was gonna be a good afternoon. Since both of us are so adept at trimming trees, neither of us thought anything about just whacking off the first limb that we could reach.

I'm generally considered the muscle of the family (satirical jest), I was the one who got to cart all of the hewn branches out to the street for the trash pick-up day. Actually, I think it was because Nate didn't trust me with the saw - don't blame him. On my first venture to the other side of the fence I had no idea that I would encounter such a fascinating sociological study. Rounding the corner, I immediately saw the family next door turn and stare. Normally a lot of people stare...so why was this different?

Each time that I went to neatly stack the branches out by the street, I was always conscious of eyes following me. In fact, at one point, Nate came out with me and commented that they must not have had a TV, because they couldn't stop watching us. One of the men, presumably in his 40's, literally stood in the middle of the lawn watching us. Sometimes his arms were folded as he watched with amusement on his face, while during other times he was on his cell phone...still watching.

I can't remember the last time that someone took such a fascinating interest in the trimming of trees, but I have to be honest, it was a little awkward. To have an entire family out on the front lawn watching us was just a different experience. Were they judging us for not doing it correctly? Were they simply amused? Was it just a fleeting attraction that allowed the passage of time? I'd like to say that I have an answer, but I think I'm still in awe. For whatever reason we were the neighborhood spectacle for an evening...oh well.

The Mystery of God

D. L. Moody was asked to explain a passage in the Bible and his response was, “no.” When the person, who was obviously shocked ask why such a learned person could not explain God’s word, he responded that if we were to know everything about God, that there would be no need for the Bible. He also related that if the young man wanted the answer, that he should ask God directly.

Considering all that I still have to learn about God, it’s amazing that my head has not yet exploded. I love God; I know that He cares for me. I know that His desires for my life are greater than my own; but for some reason, I have always had this idea that I knew what God’s ultimate goals were for my life. I had it set in the back of my mind: I know God and therefore I expect that He should bless me as His child.

Well…Proverbs 3:5-6 has a new meaning in my life today. Trusting God means more than just saying, “I’m your child.” In fact, it means that I will never, EVER, know all that there is to understanding Him, but allowing Him to still guide my life. It means that if I truly desire to follow Him, that I will completely leave my life in His hands.

For all of you control freaks out there, I’m sure you’re wondering why on earth we would give up the control. For all of you that could care less, you’re wondering why this is even an issue. The reality is this – my understanding is sooo much smaller than I originally thought that if I were to rely on just MY understanding of every situation, then I would literally run my life into the ground. I could name examples, but I don’t feel like being THAT vulnerable today. Suffice it to say, if we ran the heavenly battle on my brain, Satan would have won.

So, when I consider the mystery of God – who He is, why He exists, how He works – I have to just sit. I will never understand the depths of His might, power, and grace. Oh – and on the subject of grace, I should remind us all that it’s free. We didn’t deserve it and God gets nothing by giving it. It’s just His free gift.

I hope that you rest in Him this weekend. I hope that your life is more fully developed through resting in and considering who He is. He gave so much for our salvation, and while I don’t understand why He would even care enough about me to do so, He did. Mystery solved.

On Sanctification

verb. to make holy; set apart as sacred; consecrate.

I thought I had a lot to say, until I was put in my place. I've found that often I view sanctification through the lens of my own experience. So, when someone does something that I have never done or never even considered doing, I expect them to find their way to the altar and consecrate their lives to God. Is it inbred? Is it because I'm a pastor? Is it due to the fact that I'm so anal, I can't see the forrest due to the one lady bug that has too many spots on the left side and not enough spots on the right?

From what I understand of Paul's writings, sanctification can only come through one's willingness to accept the possibility that God may have a better life planned for them. When we offer ourselves over to God, we have to understand that there are going to be things that God desires us to change. Unfortunately, I've considered everyone else's changes and not really my own.

Well, I assume that if I am going to be set apart as holy for the purpose of God's kingdom work, that I also have to consider that I am not yet holy and that God has some work to do. But...my inner monologue continually desires to judge others, and I am thus thrown into the conflict of letting God do His work and me staying out of the way. I've found, as of late, that quite often, when I think that God needs to do some changing, that it first starts with me. Now really? That's quite an awful thing to do to someone who is already holy...oh wait...

If I may, I'd like to refer back to my previous post on Unconditional Love...the one that I didn't see the need to follow. I suppose that until I am completely changed into the image of Christ, my only recourse is to love unconditionally. I mean, I am not the Holy Spirit, nor am I the judge, jury, and executioner. I am merely a man in need of grace. And if I am in need of grace, then I had better start showing it a little more often. After all, I don't think the words, "forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors," were stated for the purpose of giving me ammunition. No - they were stated, because Jesus realized that in my hastiness, I would inevitably fail. He needed to let me know that my failure would eventually come back to haunt me and therefore I had better be prepared to suck it up.

Oh - and while we're on that subject...the one about dying to pride...I suppose that's also not a good quality to have when asking God to sanctify your life. I don't remember pride being in the recipe for holiness, so I suppose that the absence of pride would be a better ingredient.

That said, I go back to the original definition of sanctification. Being set apart as sacred. Each and every one of us should have the desire to be set apart as sacred. I don't think that we consider this idea of setting apart to be very important, because we don't actually set ourselves apart from anything that is a strong desire in our lives. Since the cat is already out of the bag, I'll consider my own pride. If I am to truly be set apart for God's use, then there can be none of my own pride. It must die. And I don't just mean die as in...prune it back. I mean, pull the entire bush out of the yard, take it out back, burn it, and throw the ashes into the East wind. Die.

My process of sanctification is different than yours, but it doesn't necessarily mean that mine is more right. I just need Roundup in other areas than you do.

I Looked for a Man to Fill the Gap

I was reading Ezekiel 22, got to the very end of the chapter, and had my mind blown. The direct text is, '30 "I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none. 31 So I will pour out my wrath on them and consume them with my fiery anger, bringing down on their own heads all they have done, declares the Sovereign LORD."'

Now, my question is this: how many men are there to stand in the gap on behalf of the people? I'm reminded of the warning "Mind the Gap" or "Watch Your Step", and frankly, I think more of us are actually more worried about our own steps than we are for the sake of others. And I'm not even talking about the "plank in your own eye". I'm talking about approaching the throne of God on behalf of the people.

God has been greatly speaking to my heart recently about the idea of unconditional love. What does it mean to love someone or a group of people unconditionally? If we really consider the concept, it means that we are willing to love and NOT expect anything in return.
Consider a 5-year-old. Now, he (or she) is mostly concerned with his own well-being. Am I hungry? Am I tired? Do I want to stay up and play? How many more play minutes do I get before I have to go take a bath?? If mom or dad tells him "NO", he breaks down, because it's all about him. He has no idea what it means to love unconditionally, because he is still more concerned about himself more than anyone else. And that's not to say that the child doesn't love mom or dad, because the parent is the first one that he runs to when he is scared or in need. But his love is always based on how he feels at the time.

Now, consider the average adult. Most of us are concerned with wealth, sustenance, relationships, work, kids, etc. And often we don't consider allowing someone else to be the focus of our relationship, because we are occupied with trying to do things for what we can get in return. I mean, isn't that what your job is all about? Isn't that what most of your relationships are about? I'm not going to give to you unless I am completely sure that you will respond in equal or better fashion.

I mean, that has been the existence of mankind. But what I see God saying is, "Who really cares about the people?? If you are SO concerned with your own issues and ideas and feelings, then you don't DESERVE my love! You don't DESERVE my gratitude! You don't DESERVE my protection! Obviously Ezekiel was writing, because God was fed up; but don't you think it makes sense?? God created us for a relationship and we took advantage of that in the Garden. He has been trying ever since to get us back, but it's a longer process than any of us actually think.

My challenge, if any of you are interested, is to consider others before yourself. Try loving someone for who they are, rather than for what they can give. It's amazing to see just how much God has in store for our lives when we give up ourselves and consider the needs of the masses to be more important. Just try it for a week and only then will I let you tell me that it didn't work.

Waiting for God to Catch Up

You're probably thinking that God is going to strike be down right now, but I think it's important to share the following thoughts.

I've usually considered myself to be a patient person in some areas and impatient in others. I think, when it's been an area of passion, I've been less patient, because I see how things could just be fixed really easily and then all would be better. But God has been teaching me to slow down and wait for Him.

Now - I know that His plan is always better; but I'm here to tell you that knowing that in my head and in my heart are two completely different things. Because what I want God to do and what He wills to be done are two different things, and the idea that I have to be patient and allow God's will to be done is something that goes in direct contradiction to my own omniscience. You're thinking, "Bryan, you're not omniscient," and my response is usually, "Well how do you know?" But I think you get the general drift. If God is going to work in and through our lives, then we HAVE to have less of us and more of Him.

So there's been a tension in my heart, one that requires that I wait for God to catch up with my perceived plan for life. And every time that I tell God to hurry up, He takes a moment to remind me that I'm walking too far ahead and that He's getting ready to turn down a fork in the road that I missed. I'm no Eagle Scout, but I've been walking the path of life for awhile now, and I totally missed that fork. So how in the world could God have seen what I missed?

Better yet - how could God see a better plan for my life than what I see? How could He know more about what is best for me than I do? How could He know what blessings await me if I will just be patient? Oh, that's right! He's God.

My encouragement to you is that you have patience for His will. As much as I say that to others, I have such a hard time living it out myself. His ways are higher, His thoughts are more in tune with the grand scheme of things that we will ever know. So, maybe it's time that we catch up to Him, rather than waiting on Him to catch up to us. It might actually mean that we have to change our direction, and for many of us that becomes problematic. But it's a worthy goal, ya?

The Object of God's Love

C.S. Lewis tells a story of a schoolboy who was asked about God's character. "He replied that, as far as he could make out, God was 'the sort of person who is always snooping around to see if anyone is enjoying himself and then trying to stop it.'" I would argue that many of us still have the same view: "How is God going to beat me down today, because I didn't measure up to His standards?" And, while I consider God's wrath to be one of the only certainties in life, I also know that God's love is equally certain.

If you will, consider the fact that God's love existed before time. Before there was a way to measure the events of the past, God had already loved the world enough to create it. Despite the fact that God's love allows for our errors and misjudgments, He still gives it. In addition to His gift, He WILLS it. God said there would be love and it happened, just as sure as any of the rest of His promises.

I recently sat down to have story time with a couple of young boys. They were wild and crazy as any other young boy might be; but they also have an uncanny gift for melting one's heart, as many other children do. As we sat down for story time (I was actually laying on my stomach), one of them came up and just laid down on top of my back. Now, I'm not a father, but I think this must have been the closest that I've been to feeling the love of a father, because as he laid there, listening to the stories, he just rested.

In that moment, every other thought of wrongdoing evaporated. No thoughts about what he had done wrong that day. No cares about what he would do wrong the next. Just peace.

And as I've tried to consider resting in God's peace, I had never quite experienced what it might look like in that context. I mean - how often does God desire for you to just walk up to Him, turn around, and just plunk your butt down into His lap?? Psalm 51 says, "for Thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: Thou delightest not in burnt offering." And while the Psalmist is specifically talking about the restoration of one's soul to God's grace, I also think that it refers to our desires toward God. Does He truly desire to see you rest in Him? Does He truly desire to love you?

See, we can all say, "Well, I'm not good enough for God, because I've done x, y, and z." Well, I have news for you! He says, "Give it to Me, because I can handle it. Give it to me, because I can wash it clean! I am Your Father. I am Your God. Therefore, what I command, you have NO business disobeying. And I command you to rest in My peace."

It's no wonder that so many of us walk around with our hearts dragging through the dirt - we have the anchor of the world pulling it down to the depths of despair. But, if we will just be the object of God's life, as He fully intended us to be, then we shall be blessed beyond measure. I don't care what you've done! I don't care how you feel! I only care that you give up you for the sake of Him.

Will you do that today?

Playing for Rascal Flatts

Not many of you know of my fame with the legendary group Rascal Flatts, so I thought I would regale you with my adventures.

It all started on a rainy summer day in Arkansas. I had just arrived in Little Rock and was greeted by my amazing friend Allen Pointer. We headed to the car, where we met Ryan Akers (affectionately known as "Intern Boy") and started off to Russelleville. As we were driving down the interstate, they related a story that had happened on the way to summer camp, in which every single bus was said to be the tour bus of Rascal Flatts. Apparently there were some girls that were "big fans" and couldn't stop talking about how the LOVED the band. So we decided during the car ride that I would act as the bass player for Rascal Flatts when we showed up for Sunday School the next morning.

Fast-forwarding to Sunday School the next day, I found myself slightly anxious, because, while I knew the band's music, I really knew little else about them. But, being the gregarious thespian that I am, I knew that I could play the role perfectly. So as Ryan walked in, I followed. He introduced me as Bryan the bassist for Rascal Flatts. He did it in such a way as to be sly and casual, but you could see it on the faces of both the girls and boys. The boys looked dejected, while the girls looked giddy and excited.

There were a couple girls (to remain nameless, although they know who they are - Brittany Tucker) who decided to bridge the gap and approach me. As I smiled and told them of our tour, I couldn't help thinking how WRONG this was, but how AMAZing it was. It seemed completely interesting to me that while they professed to be avid fans of the band (and owned, like, every, single, CD, on, the, planet), none of them actually knew what the bassist looked like.

Well, we went through the entire duration of Sunday School with none the wiser, except the adults. So I followed everyone into the sanctuary and prepared to meet my Maker at the altar for my sins of the morning. About this time, one of the girls came storming through the doors and walked directly up to me. From the look on her face, I thought that she was going to pin me to the floor and use me for kick boxing practice. With eyes that had been thoroughly moistened, she said, "you LIED to me!"

Needless to say, I felt a little sheepish. Especially considering that I was in the House of the Lord. With a completely stupid grin on my face, I tried to explain the "joke", but she would have none. There was to be NO consolation that morning. For the remainder of the service I sat awkwardly, wondering if she would ever forgive me.

I think, in the end, I might have received a slight smile, but that was about it. Fortunately, the church still stands and everyone has moved on about their daily lives. While the joke was extremely funny, I supposed that Sunday School is prolly not the best place to tell of the mighty adventures of the band...But, we live and learn, right?

The Art and Craft of Wooing a Woman

To all my boys out there...this message is for you.

We see sooo many hints in the world at what it must mean to give and receive love. Mostly, if you watch the movies, you will see that "love" means selling yourself - doing whatever you have to do to get the opposite sex to notice you. If you listen to music, "love" is that magical thing that binds two people in passionate and intimate physical union. If you observe the lives of people, you see that "love" is the one place of piece and quiet - the shelter that they turn to when the world becomes too much.

So, after checking out what the world considers to be love, we then try to emulate it. We try to own it by copying it, rather than listening to the original text. We CRAVE it, because we don't understand God's true idea for our lives. But rather than reiterating my previous sentiments from another blog entry, I'd like to point out a few thoughts when trying to capture the special attention of that lady that has your focus...

- It is true that you have to put forth effort, but don't try so hard that you push her away

- Your profession of love is only going to last as long as your gift of love

- Her idea of intimacy is different than your plan for success

- Your feelings are about as important as the spark plugs in an engine

- If you keep a godly pursuit, then you can't go wrong

- It's your virtue to choose, but God is always watching

It's interesting that we all put on the facade of manliness, but when it comes to being a real man, we feel so completely lost. Follow the godly men that have come before you. They are considered godly men, because they fought the temptation (desire, passion, lust) and came out ahead. And, if all else fails, remember that you measure godly success by actually following God's principles...not your own.

"There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them." - C. S. Lewis

The Legacy That You Leave

I think that if my dad were to read my blogs on a regular basis, he would argue emphatically that I should not post the following...because it's about him...and he's humble. So I'll continue on as if he's not reading and, I guess, deal with the forgiveness aspect at a later date.

I was in a conference today with Thom Rainer as the keynote. It was in the 2nd or 3rd session that I heard something very profound - a story of the time that he preached his father's funeral. At the time he realized the significance of his father's life, because the whole town of 3500 people showed up to the service and they had to relocate to a hill by the cemetery to accomodate all of the people. As I sat there listening to his story, my eyes began to water when I thought of my dad and the pride I have of calling him my father. In fact, I'm nearly in tears (sitting outside of Starbucks) right now as I recall my previous emotions of the day.

You may ask, "Bryan, why were you in tears? Was it because you think 3500 people will show up to your father's funeral service?" On the contrary, no. Because my father has never been one to reach the masses. As I look back on my 27 years with him, I see (very profoundly) that he ministers to the few, in the hope - burning desire even - that they will reach the masses.

There was also a public funeral for the fallen officers in last week's shooting over at People's Church (across town). It was a very large and very open funeral, because many people desired to show their appreciation for an officer's willingness to lay his/her life on the line to defend their public constituents. But that's also not the kind of funeral that my Poppi will have.

No - his will consist of the people that mattered most in life to him: his personal family and his church family. There will, no doubt, be a number of people there, but it will not be a public or open display of people to whom he showed affection. It will be the people that he ministered to on a daily basis, who will go on to minister to the masses.

No one publicly remembers that he is the voice of reason - that he is the man with more wisdom that most of his peers. No one continually voices how well he did in the sermon on Sunday, because he wasn't preaching - he was praying for the preacher. No one remembers that he went to college, because he didn't - he worked his entire life to be faithful to God so that each and every one of his kids could go through college and receive a better education.

No one will mention that he went to another country to save the masses, because he didn't - he just adopted one that will grow up to do that. No one will recognize his contribution to social justice issues, because he had none of his own - he continually fought so that just one would minister to hundreds of poor, needy, homeless, broken, shattered women in slavery and prostitution. No one will comment that he saved the city, because he only trained one to go out to city block after city block and keep our streets safe. No one will see how he taught others, because there was just one that he raised to go out and exemplify godly principles to class after class of elementary students.

And no one will say that he built up a church to its fullest potential, because he only poured into one that would go on to minister to the hearts of hundreds of congregants.

There's something to be said for the one that ministered to the few so that the thousands would be reached. And THAT is why I love my Poppi. THAT is why I thank God for his faithfulness. THAT is why my father is great.

You may not have had the same experience. And you may not know the full potential of this message, but he seems to just find one at a time and I'm sure that you can be next.

The Musings of a Bachelor

Now, obviously some may see me as cynical... :) But that's OK - I don't mind it a bit.

There have been a TON of postings about this Jason dude. In fact, it seems that Americans, despite their lack of TV watching, can't get away from his life. Now, you can consider this to be the real love to a relationship or you can consider the following as an alternate possibility (an inspired post due to some comments about signing me up for the next Bachelor TV season)...

I don't mind being single. Do I wish to be married? Absolutely! But for this season of my life, I have absolutely NO problem with the fact that God has an aMAzing young woman out there with whom I can spend the rest of my life. And I absolutely look forward to that day that I can give my whole heart to this fabulous woman.

But along this road of bachelor-ness-hood, I've realized a couple of important facts (which will probably be corrected by some even more cynical married couple):

1. I don't mind waiting for sex. I'm a guy and I think statistics explain everything; but I would rather have fewer years of pure, unadulterated sex, than many, many years of baggage that I have to carry around with me.

2. I desire (strongly desire) to bless my wife with godly wisdom and leadership. Control freak? No...just following God's original plan of heading up the household.

3. Under NO circumstances am I going to settle for someone that does not fit into my life like a hand into a glove. Does that make me lonely? Sure. But isn't everyone lonely at some point in their life?

I keep hearing about this STUPID show (and I know that people like it just for the drama), but SERIOUSLY - isn't there more to be desired than multiple make-out sessions on TV. And I know what you guys are thinking - he just needs to get him some. I'm sorry, but that is a scandalous falsehood! My God made me to have a beautiful relationship with a woman and the two of us will become one and will live in the peace and love of God.

If you're one of those people reading this and laughing, then maybe it's time that you re-evaluate your own relationship. Maybe you're sad, because it lacks luster. Maybe you're broken, because your relationship is. I have learned to be perfectly content, despite my circumstances. AND I challenge each and every one of you to do the same.

Call me cynical. Call me stupid. Call me unfortunate. Call me celibate. Call me a LOSER. But I dare you to say it to my face. I also dare you to watch my future marriage - when God blesses me, because I remained pure and faithful.

I dare you...

God's Power Conduit

When you finally realize that God is at the center of everything that is great, you start to realize that you are not the person you thought you were. God's power - the most incredible force in the entire universe - is something that we can only see when we empty ourselves of our human capabilities and rely fully on His strength.

Follow in 1 Corinthians 12 with me - "Now about the spiritual gifts (the special endowments of supernatural energy), brethren, I do not want you to be misinformed...Now there are distinctive varieties and distributions of endowments (gifts, extraordinary powers distinguishing certain Christians, due to the power of divin grace operating in their souls by the Holy Spirit) and they vary, but the [Holy] Spirit remains the same. And there are distinctive varieties of service and ministration, but it is the same Lord [Who is served]." (Amplified Bible, 1 Corinthians 12:1, 4-5)

If we consider that we are gifted in different areas - all under the supernatural guidance/power of the Holy Spirit - then we should start thinking and acting in the Spirit if we are to use these gifts. Upon viewing the events over the past two weeks of my life, I have distinctly come to realize that Christ's power working through me, has nothing to do with me EXCEPT that I open my will to His.

When I speak on behalf of the Lord, there are times when I am completely under the influence of the Holy Spirit and other times in which I am only partly taken. To understand the full nature of this, I suggest we consider piping or conduit. When a valve is released (or opened), the amount of energy flow is determined by the dilation of the valve. If the valve were opened to full strength, then the total force of the energy would be released and you would attain maximum output.

For lack of a better demonstration, I believe that this is partly how the Holy Spirit's power works. When we open ourselves up to His energy, we allow Him to flow through us and work His miraculous wonders. Am I talking about healing? Well, healing comes in season. It may not be a physical manifestation of healing, but it could be spiritual or emotional.

Am I talking about wisdom? Well, wisdom and discernment come to those who ask. It may not be the wisdom of time, but it could very well be the wisdom to make a certain choice at a certain time.

Am I talking about prophecy? Have you ever just spoken the words that someone needed to hear and had no clue where they came from? It may not be on par with Ezekiel or Jeremiah, or even Isaiah, but it was the Word of the Lord and it was given to a people in need.

I think that most of us are too scared to even consider the power of the Holy Spirit...

(1) It requires less of us and more of God. As much as we like to "sing" about that concept and "preach" about its meaning, it really is a hard thing for us to fully grasp.

(2) It requires that we dedicate our life's work to God's calling. You don't have to be a pastor or teacher or missionary to be used by the Holy Spirit; but there is a sense that only these people are "good enough" to do the job.

(3) It requires that we just rest in God's presence...and quite often that can be a hard thing to do. Resting in God's presence means that we have forgiven ourselves of past mistakes...Resting in God's presence means that we have accepted God's forgiveness...Resting in God's presence means that despite all that we face, we remain princes and princesses in God's holy family.

You are royalty, and as such you deserve - and are commanded - to uphold the family name. What are you doing toward that end?

The Power of Prayer

I can't sleep, so I don't see how blogging can be a bad idea. I'd like to talk for a moment about prayer. In the past I have viewed prayer as a tool to communicate with God; but recently I have been thinking about prayer as more than just a tool - it is God's way to change my heart.

If I have a continual attitude of prayer, as Paul suggests, then I should allow that attitude to pervade every part of my life. This attitude is not only my suggestions and thoughts being sent to God, but also it is my request that God make His will known to me by guiding my prayer thoughts. If I truly want Him to be glorified in my life, then each prayer will be a direct link into His will. My thoughts continually become less my own and more of God's.

So let me say this: Change my heart, oh God. In my daily walk with You grant me the peace of knowing Your will. In my devotions grant me the burden for your people. In my life grant me the opportunity to see Your face. In all that I do, may Your glory shine through.

The Art of TV Purchasing

This story comes from a land that is near and dear to my heart: Fresno. Like all good stories, it includes a hero (myself) and a villain (to be portrayed as you keep reading)…

There was a young man named Moesh who lived in Fresno and enjoyed spending time with his friends and family. In an effort to enhance the joy, he decided to purchase a new TV. A million thoughts ran through his head, but the main thing was that he didn’t want to spend too much on the TV since times were hard.

Well Moesh had a friend named Jermaine. Jermaine was one of those lively fellows that can make friends with anyone, and in so doing discovered a discount TV store in the area. Knowing that they had good TV’s for sale at a decent price, Moesh decided to check out the shop.

Upon arrival, two things were evidently clear: (1) not ALL of the TV’s were in the best shape, and (2) the business was a small operation that was not very well organized. Upon seeing this, Moesh decided that it was best to find a good TV and then bargain for a good price. He and the owner settled on a TV of good quality and struck the bargain.

Excitedly, Moesh took his TV home and enjoy an amazing night of movie watching. But the next morning, to his demise, the TV would not work. So he took the TV back, expecting a change. Upon his second arrival, he noticed that the employee did not look well – rather tired and fatigued. When Moesh explained the problem, the employee gave him an incredulous look and asked him to try switching out the cables.

Frustrated, Moesh took the TV back home to try again. After realizing that he still had the same problem, he took the TV in for an actual work order. The shop kept his TV for the next week in order to replace the “broken” part and “test” its functionality. Excitedly Moesh pick up his TV and took it home for another test run.

When he got home, plugged everything in and turned the TV on it STILL didn’t work. DejecteThis story comes from a land that is near and dear to my heart: Fresno. Like all good stories, it includes a hero (myself) and a villain (to be portrayed as you keep reading)…

There was a young man named Moesh who lived in Fresno and enjoyed spending time with his friends and family. In an effort to enhance the joy, he decided to purchase a new TV. A million thoughts ran through his head, but the main thing was that he didn’t want to spend too much on the TV since times were hard.

Well Moesh had a friend named Jermaine. Jermaine was one of those lively fellows that can make friends with anyone, and in so doing discovered a discount TV store in the area. Knowing that they had good TV’s for sale at a decent price, Moesh decided to check out the shop.

Upon arrival, two things were evidently clear: (1) not ALL of the TV’s were in the best shape, and (2) the business was a small operation that was not very well organized. Upon seeing this, Moesh decided that it was best to find a good TV and then bargain for a good price. He and the owner settled on a TV of good quality and struck the bargain.

Excitedly, Moesh took his TV home and enjoy an amazing night of movie watching. But the next morning, to his demise, the TV would not work. So he took the TV back, expecting a change. Upon his second arrival, he noticed that the employee did not look well – rather tired and fatigued. When Moesh explained the problem, the employee gave him an incredulous look and asked him to try switching out the cables.

Frustrated, Moesh took the TV back home to try again. After realizing that he still had the same problem, he took the TV in for an actual work order. The shop kept his TV for the next week in order to replace the “broken” part and “test” its functionality. Excitedly Moesh pick up his TV and took it home for another test run.

When he got home, plugged everything in and turned the TV on it STILL didn’t work. Dejectedly he loaded the TV up for one more drive out to the shop. With frustration building every second as he drove he had worked out a plan of what he was to say when asked about the TV. But when he arrived at the shop, the owner casually said, “Pick out another one and let’s call it good.”

The TV that Moesh picked out was very similar to the original one, but a newer model. Despite the frustration, he was able to get a better TV that he originally intended, which was satisfying in the end.

Moral: Be nice to your TV salesman and he will help you in the long run…