Failure:Fearlessness

I have a fear: failing. I've often wondered about how I even got this far in life; because, there have been many times that I've desired to quit. Quitting seemed natural - easy - desirous. But, it's nothing that will help me in the long run.

I'm not sure that anyone is as conscious of my failures as myself (with the exception of God). While others may notice the mistakes or the inconsistencies in my life, they don't understand the true depth of my own depravity. They may understand their own lowliness, but not mine. Mine is reserved for me.

And I've wallowed in it.

Not wanting to make a change.

Because change is too hard.

But then I read 1 Corinthians 10:13..."No temptation has overtaken you except what iscommon to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

And I'm reminded that there is no second life to try again. No reincarnation that allows me to make up for past mistakes. In fact, nothing that I can do that will save myself. Nothing to right so many wrongs.

This on the day after Easter - the day after we celebrate the Resurrection. Nothing that I, a sinful man, can do. "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53:5). Nothing that I can do.

My failure is a reminder of Christ's salvation, His ability to rid my life of sin. There should be no attempt to hide the wrongs committed over a lifetime; but instead, there should be celebration in His resurrection. He is the King, and my life is just a simple remembrance or offering at His feet. I no longer quake at my inadequacies - I fear leaving His presence.

Silence in the Shadows

Hi Friends,

Many of you already know that I’m writing a book about cross-cultural experiences in the lives of American teenagers. This is a fictional piece that represents two stories that we quite frequently see in ministry: a teen who grows up through the foster care system and a teen who is raised in a gang. If you are already aware of the book, then this might be a repeat; but, I wanted to let everyone know that the new blog is up! Thanks to some beautiful friends here at FPU, I was able to get help with the graphics and coding to adjust the blog. If you would be so kind, please share this with your friends and family to help generate support for, what I consider to be, a great ministry opportunity. Also, if you have a youth pastor or ministry leaders in your church that might benefit from something like this, I would encourage you to share it with them as well. Thank you all SO much and God bless!

Silence in the Shadows
at http://silence-shadows.blogspot.com/

Prologue

“Ya, he’ll be a dawg fo sho.” The gruff voice was the only one heard in the silent ICU nursery in the infant ward. As Carlos stood there watching his newborn son breathe through a ventilator, he determined that his son would soon grow to take his place within the gang.

The hospital was in his territory and the thought of insurance or payments never occurred to him. His lieutenant would take care of everything through their security guard contact. His baby would be able to stay until his condition was stable enough to return to the mother and he would begin instruction at the age of five. Carlos had plenty of children through various women, but this child came from the woman he loved.

“What’s his name?” A nurse said, walking in from behind him.

“Dunno, and it doesn’t matter. He’ll be known by his marks.” Despite knowing the nurse, personally, what was left unsaid was for her protection. He would be known by his distinguishing features - tattoos of identification - and he would be known by his actions left on the city.

To do anything besides leave a mark would make him weak. Carlos didn’t have weak children. Each of them was bred and raised to continue the tradition and mission of the gang. If not, they were cut from the group without so much as proper last rites. His family would be strong - his family was born strong.

One nameless baby born into the world.

--------------------

Across the city, in a reputable hospital, screaming could be heard throughout the birthing center. A mother was in the final throws of childbirth and the pain would soon be over.

“Breathe!” A nurse said. “It’s almost over, just stick with it!”

“I can’t!” Screamed Amy. She had had enough. Thirty-eight hours of labor had ended in one long, agonizing delivery process, and she had nothing left to give. “It’s no use, I have nothing left!”

“You can do it,” the nurse exclaimed, “the head is almost out!”

After another five, seemingly-endless seconds, there was a cry that sounded different than all the others. Her baby boy, wet and dirty, had just shouted his first words to the world. As he was fully delivered, the nurse quickly cleaned him and brought him around so Amy could see him.

“He’s beautiful,” panted Amy.

“What will you call him?” the nurse asked.

“If I knew who his father was, I’d give him that name. But I don’t, and it all just seems a waste now.” Amy had gone back to ask each of the guys that she knew she had slept with, but none would say anything to give her much hope. As she sat silently in despair, she contemplated any reason for continuing on.

“She’s losing a lot of blood!” the nurse shouted into the hallway, trying to attract more attention into the room. They were so busy and short-staffed, so any help that she could find would be distracted. She quickly ran into the hall to get a doctor, but as she returned, there the baby lay, silently on his mother’s still chest.

Another nameless one.

Onions and Roses

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

- Juliet

Names are important, but so are definitions. While some, like me, are just simpletons, others are more complex, and take time to figure out. To truly know someone is to help define who they are. We use analogies, diagrams, symbols, pictures, and many other forms for classification, but they are all just small parts to the larger whole.

This weekend we had our purity for life conference at church. It was designed for our teens to learn and grow in their walk with Christ by making a commitment to remain sexually pure. During some of our discussions, a number of questions came up (some more wonderful than others), but they all came back to the same thing: what is LOVE? Being single, I have only one perspective on loved; but it will hopefully be valuable to the other singles reading this blog.

Love is the undivided commitment to someone and engagement in knowing who they are at an intimate level.

No, I'm not sure that you will find that definition in the Bible. It just happens to be mine...I don't, however, think that it's unbiblical. A marriage has undivided commitment, but will only last if there is engagement in the relationship.

But love gets back to the idea that you are dedicated to that person, no matter what you find when you uncover rocks...right...? I mean, when I remember Pappy's statement, "Bryan, I would've divorced your grandmother a thousand times over, if..." and it makes me think that there were a lot of gross and disgusting bugs under the rocks of their marriage. But they were willing to overcome them.

Poetry and flattery are one thing, and if it helps the relationship, then use them. But wouldn't truth be more important? I guess there has to be a balance of honest discourse with unadulterated fun, otherwise only the pragmatists would have babies.

Despite this, I think there needs to be more honesty. If a person smells like a rose, then call her by that name. And if she's complex, then call her onion.

Make it a Good Fairy Tale

I can't stand it when one event in life makes the whole fairy tale collapse. I mean, what's the point of the fairy tale in the first place? To inspire people to think larger than life!

Since when do princes get everything right? Every prince that I know has failed at one point or another. In fact, they probably get it wrong more than the get it right, and yet they're still known as being the good prince.

If you take each of the Disney stories, even the ones where the prince seems shamelessly perfect, you will realize that he can never actually be that way; however, if you take him for what he really is, a prince coming to the rescue, then I think there can be some value in his valor.

We know that "amazing" stories are told, because the rest of us want to have something to live up to; but isn't it time for us to make our own fairy tales? How many of us are waiting in the window for something to happen, when we really should be out in the streets living life! Go be the prince or princess that you were created to be! Make your own fairy tale and don't let the negatives dissolve your dream. Be the flower that you were meant to be.

Karma, neh?

The idea of karma was brought up this week as someone mentioned, "that's karma." I know that a lot of people talk about karma as if it's a real thing, but I don't believe that it is.

Karma, as I understand it, is what some people believe is "payback". When you do certain things in life, whether good or bad, you will receive a reward that coincides with your acts. If you do good things, you will have good things done to you.

It seems to me that the idea of karma was created from a need to understand guilt. People live with the general understanding that there are rules that we live by. Whether they live in harmony with the Bible or some other code of conduct, they understand that there are good and bad actions. When we believe that there are approved methods for living, we feel guilty for not following those rules. By believing in karma, people find ways to justify their actions; if I do enough good things, they will outweigh the bad.

The reality, however, is that good or bad, we aren't judged on man's standard, but God's. If we don't live up to God's standard, then nothing else really matters. What we see as karma is the idea that when something happens that we deserve, we have a way to explain it. Isn't it possible, however, that when something happens that would be deserving, that it could just be part of life? I mean, we are hurt by people all of the time and yet when someone hurts us, we think that it's karma. Isn't that just part of life? When we speed in the car and then eventually get a ticket, it's not karma...it's just us getting caught.

I think we should stop trying to explain everything away and just accept the fact that life happens. When we get in trouble, it's an effect from us doing something wrong. So rather than expecting that it will affect what happens to us in the future, we should just accept blame and apologize to God.

No Greater Honor

Tonight, I saw God breathe life into a new creature. He had been living for 16 years before, but it wasn't a viable life. After he had decided that giving his life to Christ would completely change his life, he said to me, "Bryan, I owe you big time." At the time, I realized that I couldn't convince him that he owed me nothing, but I have faith that, in time, he will realize that I do what I do, because I love Christ.

I get a paycheck as a youth minister, but no amount of money can repay the feeling of leading someone to Christ. And leading someone to Christ never grows old. I can tell someone the plan of salvation in my sleep, but when they have the "aha" moment and God is able to speak breath into their life, I cannot help but feel the elation.

There is no way that he, or anyone else, can repay me for a moment in which I was but a witness. Christ renews Himself to me through moments like this, moments in which His covenant is played out. To be in pursuit of anything other than these moments is to practice futility. And, the very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again with the same results: futility.

I intend to not let that honor go to waste.