Servitude

While reading Psalm 143, I was reminded of a concept that I had let slip away from my conscious thought. The Message states it in this way, "Keep up your reputation, God - give me life! In your justice, get me out of this trouble! In your great love, vanquish my enemies; make a clean sweep of those who harass me. And why? Because I'm your servant" (vv. 11-12). Why should God even consider any of this?? Because I have given my life in service to Him.

Servitude to Christ seems to be a lost art. In fact, in the United States, you rarely find someone willing to give themselves over as a slave to Christ. We give service to sin; we give service to others; we even give service to ourselves; but we don't give service to Christ. My question is "why"? Why am I (are you, are we) unwilling to give ourselves in complete surrender to Christ? And lip service doesn't count!

I'd like to consider the life of a real slave - someone in bondage to sin. You can take any sin, but for the sake of painting a clear picture, I'm going to use a very visual sin: sexual bondage. Now, most of us don't always think of fornication or adultery as bondage, but in truth it is. Giving oneself to someone in this manner (at least as far as the Bible is concerned) is the same as connecting or chaining or gluing ourselves to them. We have formed a connection that cannot be severed without pain, loss, and torture. In fact, when the person does separate from the other, they are continually reminded of the experience(s), because it is ingrained into their memory.

Now, consider this same act with multiple partners and you can begin to see why people are drawn to sex. It's no longer about the pleasure of the act, but rather about continually trying to fill the void of separation that has been formed from the first moment. To find healing, one can only turn to God, our true Healer. But, as a statement of self-worth and value, we tell ourselves that we can fix it on our own, and thus perpetuate the cycle.

Whether you see it now or not, this has an extremely negative effect on our emotions, our well-being, and our spiritual condition, because we have allowed someone else (or multiple people) to control our thoughts, feelings, and circumstances. When Paul tells us to take every thought into captivity, it's not for the sake of legalism, but rather for the purpose of pulling us out of the mire into which we continually sink on our own. This is the negative form of servitude.

But please allow me to consider the opposite - the positive form of servitude. If we were to take all of the energy and life that we pour into negative services and were to pour them into our service for God, all of the negative emotions, thoughts, and experiences would now be changed into positive ones. Servitude, or slavery, to God is no longer seen in the context of giving up our lives, but rather under the view that we are greatly impacted for the better because of knowing Him. Our weakness becomes our strength in Him. The more that we attach ourselves to God, the more that it hurts to tear ourselves away. The more that we glue ourselves to Him, the more we feel the hole of His absence. Through our bondage (consider the bonding process in this analogy) to Him, we have thus enable Him to be the one that controls our thoughts, feelings, and circumstances.

If I were to logically conclude that one view is better over the other, I can't deny the fact that allowing the Supreme Being in the universe to control my actions is an amazingly good thing. I can allow bondage to sin or I can allow bondage to God. When looking at this from a purely rational view, I have to judge that the only way to better my life is through service to God. Therefore, if I am to follow the footsteps of David into willful servitude of God, I have to stop thinking like Bryan. Interesting concept, ya?

Letters to my Wife, Chapter 3

Well, I understand that the question of purity has to come up at some point, so I might as well dive in. This letter, however, may be the hardest that I write, because talking about sex, intimacy, purity of though, and abstinence is, for me, a very private matter. However, in the attempt at full disclosure, I feel that it is necessary to continue on in honesty.

I saved myself for you - at least I thought I did. Growing up, I had this notion that sexual purity and abstinence was completely a physical thing. I mean, it's not like my dad didn't talk to me about lust or being a gentleman or all of those good things, because he did - quite awkwardly at times. But there are some things that you can only learn through failure that I had to experience for myself.

Recently, God has been teaching me about holistic purity: pure heart, mind, body, and soul. When I started my trek into puberty, I was only focused on one area - body. Dad said, "Don't look," so I tried not to. It wasn't because I didn't desire to look - because I did - but rather because I found myself constitutionally unable to purposefully disobey my father. If he told me to do something or not do something, I obeyed - even to the point of stupidity (but that's another 3 chapters). And I eventually found myself toeing the line, trying to see what I could and couldn't get away with as long as I obeyed my father. What I didn't realize throughout this process, was that I was more concerned about what my earthly father thought, than what my Heavenly Father though.

You ask, "Bryan, if you didn't touch her inappropriately or engage in sex outside of marriage, then how did you go wrong?" And my response would be, "In every way."

My father taught me to be a gentleman. I know that this is a lost cause in today's society, but I still believe in the virtue of chivalry and taking responsibility for one's actions. In my quest to become the man that my father is, I did just as much damage as good. How? By objectifying women, by selfishly making every relationship about me, by falling into the same traps that Satan lays for every other person out there. But worst of all, by thinking that I was superhuman.

Objectifying women is not just about physical appearance - although that also happened. Women desire to be loved, right (or so I'm told)? So how is keeping a young woman around just long enough to feel the warmth of a relationship and then leaving because you're not sure she's the "right fit" giving love? Wouldn't the better symbol of love be one that keeps you apart until you're sure? Caring more about her thoughts, feelings, and reactions more than giving in to the intimacy that you long for?

All of these thoughts bring me back to a central purpose in purity: a person can only be pure when then have emptied themselves of all inconsistencies and deformities. Because we are born into sin and have the impurities because of it, we can only be pure through remaining in God's refining fire. And that, my dear, is my new commitment to you - that I will allow God to purify me, so that I am no longer worried about my own sense of accomplishment. Nothing else really matters...

Spiritual Constipation

I started thinking about how I haven't had a chance to blog in awhile and my brain suddenly hit a spark - maybe you haven't been able to write, because you're constipated...spiritually of course. I mean, I've had a ton of ideas, but haven't been able to set any down. So it dawned on me that there could be more to the absence of new blogs than meets the eye. Recognizing that I don't necessarily want to be gross on purpose, the idea of spiritual constipation seems to be the only explanation that I can come up with.

Have you ever been at a place in life in which everything around you was so annoyingly obvious that you couldn't see the forrest through the trees? I've found that the annoyance of unaccomplishment (don't care if it's a real word at this point) seems to be the most intriguing part of this situation. But as I consider these ideas, I am reminded of a statement by John Ortberg,"If you need to try harder, then try harder. If you need to try softer, then try softer."

Which drives me to another conclusion...If I'm the one doing the trying, I'm not allowing God to do anything. Now, this is not an argument for challenging God, nor is it an excuse for not trying. But it does remind me that Christ requests that we allow Him to share our burdens - you know - something along the lines of "My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

So I am challenged to find a way through this. I have the option to rely on Christ and I have the alternative of trying to do it myself. If I really care enough about myself to make the change, then I have to consider which option has more spiritual fiber. There is no way that anything involving myself is spiritually good, because I know from past experiences that I am mostly junk food. Therefore I am left with only one option: relying on Christ. Don't get me wrong - I don't think that this is a bad option, nor do I consider it a last alternative. I'm merely stating that after exhausting all possibilities on my own, it's time to reconsider God's request for a meaningful relationship with me.

I have no idea if any of you are spiritually constipated, but I offer this - Christ died so that our burden would be easier. There was no way for us to meet God on our own, so He gave us a solution that was perfect. Resting in Jesus' power seems to be elusive if we cling to our own. So let go of yourself and rest in Him.