The State of Contentment

In Philippians 4, Paul talks discusses contentment: what is contentment; how do we view contentment; why contentment is necessary. The more I consider Paul's words, the more I am inclined to think of him as super-human. Was he really content in every situation or was he just talking for the sake of encouragement?? Knowing Paul, as the rhetorician that he was, he probably wasn't talking to just fill space. So, if that is the case, how did he do it?

Thinking back on Paul's past, he was ship-wrecked, beaten and left for dead, imprisoned, and ultimately sent to face Caesar. Not that I'm equating myself with such a great man, but I see myself as very similar to Paul. I am starting to think that God had to continually break down Paul's pride. Growing up, I always thought of Paul as the "example" - that the stories in the Bible, while true, were given to use for encouragement. But, the older I get, the more I realize that Paul had some personal issues that had to be addressed. Maybe he could only learn contentment after God had allowed him to face so many terrible situations.

Therefore, I'm inclined to think that Paul could only find contentment after allowing himself to be made free in Christ. For Paul, that journey took him through trial after trial. Could he have learned after one major catastrophe? Sure! But do you? Do I? But please do not confuse contentment with complacency. Those are two very different words, but are often equated to mean the same thing. God could only speak to Paul, after he had been emptied of Paul.

So what does this mean in terms of life today? Well, the most immediate answer that comes to mind is that I have to understand that, despite my circumstances, I am going to face trials. Each of those hardships is going to give me an option or a choice: do I allow God to change my life or do I continue to resist His perfect and pleasing will? Often, I have the audacity to tell God that my way is better. Once I finish stating my case, He says, "OK, let's try this again." After about the fourth or fifth attempt, God finally gets my attention and I start to learn contentment for that particular situation.

For me, the process of learning contentment goes in stages. While I am a very quick learner at work or with other skills, I can't seem to master the idea that God's plan is ALWAYS better than mine. So the tango that He and I dance, seems to be a long one. My encouragement to you is this: when you hear God saying, "Go," "Stop," "Wait," listen to Him. He really does have a good inkling for what should happen to keep the world spinning.

Letters to My Wife, Chapter 5

Do you remember the day that I asked you to marry me? Good grief - I was so nervous! All that day I couldn't get you off of my mind. I rehearsed the speech probably a thousand times, continually going over the nuances. In fact, I think I had proposed and responded with a 'no' about half of those times.

As I think back to that day, I have to remember the journey that took me there. We both know that I was arrogant and cocky before I met you. In fact, if we're being honest, my inner monologue probably went something like, "Why wouldn't she want me? I'm a pretty good candidate, so there's no way she can say no." I would probably have to apologize every day for the rest of my life if you weren't as forgiving as you are. I often ask myself what I was thinking with that attitude, but the only thing that I can come up with is, "I wasn't thinking."

Despite all of this, however, the thing that finally led me to ask you the question was the absence of all pride in our relationship. I had spent so many years thinking that I had life, love, and the pursuit of happiness figured out, that I completely lost track of the real goal: the journey. After spending some time with Pappy one day, he decided to share something that I never thought I would ever hear leave his lips. He said, "Bryan, your grandmother and I probably should've been divorced a thousand times over." Imagine my shock after hearing a man I fully esteem admit to failure. I couldn't believe that he would say something like this - not MY Pappy.

After trying to quiet my racing mind and get back on track with his story, I finally heard him say, "The reason we didn't quit was because of the children. When we both thought that there was no solution possible, we let go of our own idea of what was right in order to make our family work." Well, this brought Pappy down from the level of demi-god to human, and frankly, I wasn't sure if I liked it.

But I mulled over his statements and brought myself to the point of understanding the true meaning behind his words. The marriage was not about me. The relationship was not about me. In fact (and I know most of you already know this), nothing has ever been about me. Only after I realized this could I approach you with giving up your life for me. I couldn't ask you to do something that I was not willing to do myself; therefore, I was never going to ask you until I was sure that I could give myself up.

I had so much trouble withe my proposal speech, because nothing I could say made sense. Asking you to marry me was one-sided. Having you for my wife is one-sided. I've always come out on the winning end and in most cases I feel guilty for that. But, since you said 'yes', I figure that you realized this too and were still willing to go for it. And for that, I thank you!

Why Men Anger Me

Wait - aren't you a man? Yes, but I still get angry at myself...

I was watching Memoirs of a Geisha last night, because I think it's a wonderfully made film, but I found myself getting more and more ticked, the longer I watched it. I know that Japan has (and still does) a different society, but there are some things that should just be kept sacred.

For those of you unfamiliar with the world of the geisha, it is often seen through the lens of misconception - mostly due to the U.S. involvement in Japan during the time after World War II. But the life of a geisha originated from the idea that men needed to be entertained, because their wives and children were not the end-all to their family lives. In fact, Japan had such a loose culture when it came to sexual pleasure, that the wives were completely aware of the habit of courtesans and often encouraged their husbands to visit them. Geisha, however, were seen as the artists, not the prostitutes. While there were times in which sex was involved, they prided themselves on being able to entertain and entice men without the physical attachment.

But my problem doesn't so much lie with the fact that geisha separated themselves from the average prostitute, rather it has to do with the fact that there were courtesans in the first place. At what point did it become OK to live outside the marriage for things that a wife is supposed to provide? AND, when did it become acceptable to swap women as if they were property?

When I read Genesis 2, I see that God provided one woman for Adam, and that to be a compatible/suitable helper. As we read throughout the Bible, despite Hebrew culture, we see that women are to be respected and cared for. So when I see what has become of humanity, it disgusts me. Don't get me wrong, I'm as much a sinner as the next person; but I see that we are failing to produce men that stand up for what is right. In fact, we have plenty of men that fail to even stand up for their wives...If your wife has been disrespected or is in trouble, GOOD GRIEF, do something about it.

I know we have the saying, "Women: Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em," but I'm really starting to question the validity of manliness, chivalry, and virtue in today's society. And often, I think that I'm so sensitive to the matter, because of my own inability to avoid the pitfalls of society.

Males, if you want to call yourselves men, then I suggest we get back to the basics of Christian living. Honor her, because she is to be our "crown" (Proverbs 12).

The God of Bryan

I've been fascinated with the way that God is portrayed in the Old Testament - especially through the Pentateuch. Often people refer back to Him as the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, which reveals an intimate ownership or claim. I understand that Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were the patriarchs of the Israelite tradition, but then He's also referenced as the God of Moses - the spiritual leader of that same tradition.

I'm guessing that Abraham didn't actually refer to God as the "God of Abraham", but he did claim Him as his Leader, Guide, and Creator. Abraham revealed Him to others and encouraged those same people to follow in his footsteps, in worshipping the God that created all life in the universe. If I am going to follow in Abraham's footsteps, I too want to lead others in worshipping our Lord and Savior. But, in order to do that, I want people to know that He is MY God...not just the God of my parents, not just the God of my church, but my God - my intimately close, but reverently far God.

When I say that He is the God of Bryan, it is my way of allowing accountability in public. People may say, "Wait Bryan, I thought you said that He was your God? So why haven't you proven it lately?" But, I would rather claim Him publicly and fail, then live very well but not bring anyone along with me on the journey. Doesn't He deserve to have our praise and our glory? Doesn't He deserve to be recognized for His amazing power and might? Doesn't He deserve my full and unswerving love? Then He also deserves my acknowledgement of these things.

I hope that you claim Him as your God. Not that He can be contained within a box or bent to your will; but rather that He is the only thing in your life worth living for. Give it a shot!

Letters to my Wife, Chapter 4

I'm thinking about the first time that I said, "I love you."

We've talked about the fact that love doesn't come easy to me. You know, as well as I do, that love is quite possibly the farthest thing from natural that I can think of. And yet, it's the most important command outlined in the Bible. So, when I think of all of the people to whom I have said, "I love you," most of them have been "I'm really trying hard to follow the commands of our Lord, so I am going to put forth every effort to make sure that love is a priority in our relationship" statements. But the first time that I made the statement to you, it was as natural as if I were saying it to one of my family members - it just made sense.

In Genesis 2:18, God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable (suitable) to him." This is the first time in which God actually notices something in His creation that is "not good". He was obviously concerned about the well-being of Adam; and since He had created Adam in His image, there was the need for a relational component.

I used to wonder about marriages in the Old and New Testaments. I had this notion that everything was a business deal - cold-hearted and political. But the more I consider God's original intent, I see that He was taking care of our needs (and I don't just mean sex and procreation). He was literally providing us with a suitable partner for sharing life.

So when I consider the first time that I said, "I love you," I remember the feeling of completion, knowing that when I was with you, I was "completely and incandescently happy" (to quote Pride and Prejudice - yes, I did). Being with you is no longer about who's right or wrong, although we know that still comes into play. It's no longer about status, power or pride, even if I do think that I'm the luckiest man in the world and that no one else compares. And it no longer seems to be about the competition over who wins in the end. It's just contentment - knowing that I am perfectly in the will of God for my life and that I have someone with whom I can share everything. And that's why saying, "I love you," was not forced, but seemed as natural as everything else in life.