The Cougar Den

cou-gar [koo-ger]

-noun, plural -gars, (especially collectively) -gar.

A woman (generally 35+) who seeks out younger men as prey.

This story was almost going to have a legendary title, but I thought that I would call it like it is. For those of you that do not believe that there are cougars out there, please be advised that the stories that you have heard are 95% true. This one is no exception...

It was during the summer of 2008 that I found myself involved in the production and distribution of wedding videos. I was working with a friend (the photographer), just sitting in on weddings for which the bride wanted video in addition to pictures. We had fun, don't get me wrong, but on this occasion, the summer heat was unbelievably unbearable to the extent that I was sweating like a kid who had just walked into his first candy shop and felt the unending joy and pain of his first sugar rush.

Most of the shooting had gone well up until the point of dinner. We (as the photographers) were allowed to eat with the rest of the guests and had our names on one of the tables. As we all went to get our seats, we realized that there were two extra people vying for our table. In an effort to be conscientious servants, we decided that I and the second photographer would sit at another table to accommodate the guests.

In moving to an alternate table I was a little disgruntled and uncomfortable; however it was not my wedding, so I had no room for complaint. Arriving at the table we noticed that there was one man and the rest women. They all seemed to be very comfortable with the man's vulgar and obscene gestures, as if they had grown up with him. While he was in his 50's, he talked like a football player in his 20's, which gave me cause for alarm.

The women at the table were much more varied than the man. The youngest was about my age at the time, while the oldest was about the same age as the man. The youngest was fair to look upon, but her mouth was the disturbing factor with her. I am not beguiled into thinking that every woman is a lady, but she and her girlfriends could almost discredit the whole sex.

As people were swapping names and stories with the second photographer, I sat by just watching. Not feeling the need to partake in the conversation, I was quickly brought out of my thoughts when I felt all eyes on me. A question was asked. What had been said? Who had asked me? Think - respond. They're expecting you to say something! OH - she had asked my name?

'And who might this young man in the blue be?'

'I'm Bryan,' I responded.

She was a brunette with long dark hair. She looked to be about 35-38 years old with the look of one looking for fun. By the dress she wore, one could tell that she enjoyed flaunting her figure. Answer her - she's asking another question!

'Are you single?' An innocent question, right? I mean, they have all been sharing their stories, so apparently they want to know mine.

'Yes.' STUPID! Why would you give out that information? You know what's coming next! Idiot.

As she walked around the table to talk more directly to me she asked, 'So, do you like older women?' WHAT? What on earth would possess her to ask me something like that?! Idiot, you should NEVER talk with strangers. They are nothing but trouble! Think - she's coming around the table for a response.

'Well, I work at a college and am really more interested in college-aged girls.' Phew that worked. No it didn't - that was a stupid answer. Oh wait, she's responding - pay attention.

'Oh, that's interesting.' She is running her hands through her fingers...what could that mean? Why is she not walking away? Did I not give the proper response to turn her away? She is talking again...'Well, it would be interesting if you changed your mind.' Oh good, she is walking away. Don't make eye contact. By this time the second photographer was looking at me with a smirk on his face. Great, what else was I supposed to do? She was clearly intoxicated, so why did it matter that I just said, 'no.' With the amount of alcohol that they had consumed already, I was not surprised by her actions. Or was I?

For the rest of the wedding I did everything that I could to ensure that we stayed apart. Even when the women wanted to give us hugs at the end, I made sure that they were quick. I had no intention to stay around after dark with these women. Nothing good could come out of it. Walk away...walk away...