ONCE UPON A TIME

Once upon a time there was a prince named George. He lived in a quiet castle not too far from the home city of his father's kingdom. He would often stroll through the everglade forests surrounding his castle, wondering about the young maiden that would someday catch his attention.

While strolling through the forest one day, he was startled at hearing a faint whisper. He listened intently to try and recognize the sound, but could not make it out what was making the noise. He did, however, discover the direction from which the sound was produced and decided to quietly sneak in that direction. To George's surprise, he stumbled upon a black dragon sitting in a swamp.

The dragon looked surprised, but did nothing to harm George. Feeling the inclination to find out why the dragon had been whispering, George ventured a question - "What are you doing?"

The dragon replied, "I'm Chester! I was just trying to mimic the fish in the swamp and was breathing through fish lips."

Suddenly intrigued by interest in Chester's actions, George asked, "How do you make fish lips?"

"By pursing your lips together like this," Chester replied as he sucked in his cheeks. Unfortunately, Chester could not hold his breath for very long and began breathing out of his nose. The noise sounded like tiny elves whispering on a cool summer afternoon as they basked in the sun coming through the trees.

George liked the sound and realized that it was vaguely familiar to the way that his friend Thom would breathe as they would travel together in the forest. Thom always had a comforting presence about him that helped George to relax when he was stressed about helping his father run the kingdom. It may have been Thom's instincts as an elf, but mostly it was his unwavering dedication and support for his friend.

Chester snorted to get George's attention. "Oh, I'm sorry," George said, "but I got lost in thought thinking about my friend Thom."

"Thom," Chester replied, "I remember him. He told me that when I saw you, I was to take you to him."

"What!" George exclaimed. "How could you possibly know Thom? And where is he?"

"Oh, he's on the other side of this mountain," said Chester. "Are you ready for me to take you to him?"

Unsure of how to respond, George took his time in replying. "Well," he said, "I guess you can't be that dangerous. I mean - after all - you were making fish faces a moment ago. That's something that Thom used to do..."

"Well of course he did," Chester interrupted. "Who do you think taught me?"

"Of course," George replied, "I forgot that the fish face was his sign that I should trust the person I met. And, while you're not a person, I think I can still trust you."

So Chester swooped down to allow George to climb up onto his back. "Grab on to my wings and hold on!" And off into the air they went. Chester swooped and ducked around the trees, but once they were out of the forest, he soared high into the air to cross the mountain.

As they descended, George began to see two tiny specks off in the distance. The closer they got, the more he began to make out that they were people. One was Thom - tall and handsome - and the other was a beautiful young woman. As George began to behold her beauty, he realized that she was the prettiest young lady that he had ever seen.

Chester glided to a smooth landing and allowed George to dismount. Jumping off the dragon, George ran to his friend and embraced him with excitement. "It's so good to see you, Thom!"

"I've missed you, George," Thom replied. "And I have someone for you to meet. George, this is Laurabelle! She is the most beautiful woman that I could find. When I told her of your wisdom and bravery as the crowned prince of our kingdom, she immediately knew of whom I was speaking."

George, knowing that he should say something before the scene became awkward, stuttered, "Huh-hi. It's good to meet you Laurabelle."

They continued in conversation until Chester departed. Thom then led them to a nearby village to stay the evening. Thom and George said goodnight to Laurabelle and went to sleep under an old oak tree.

By the time George had awakened the next morning, the whole village had gathered to see the visitors. When questioned about who they were and what they were doing, Thom replied that they were passing through to go back to the other side of the mountain. The villagers gave them supplies and wished them well on their journey.

Thom led the couple - for they were quickly becoming attached - back to their land. When they arrived there were banners and trumpets proclaiming their arrival. As they approached the king, Thom began to make the appropriate introduction, but George stepped up and called out, "Father, I would like you to meet my bride-to-be." The king welcomed Laurabelle into the castle and soon after the young couple was married.

To say that the couple lived happily ever after would be a slight. They lived with the most amazing passion for life that has ever been seen. The prince loved his new wife and she respected his bravery and courage. Until death finally separated them, they lived life to the fullest.

And to this day everyone in the kingdom tells the story of love at first sight and the prince and princess who would forever inspire the people.

THE END

Truth & Peace Opening Video

Here is the opening video for the 2009 Truth and Peace conference. Had a blast editing it!

New JOE Blog

Here's the blog for our new youth group posts. I hope you can participate in the discussions!

http://joeyouth.blogspot.com

The Hero Paradox

Have you ever stopped to consider our relationship to God through the eyes of humility? I'm not gonna lie, it's extremely difficult, and rarely - if ever - am I able to seriously consider God in this manner. But I was reading Psalm 7 the other day and was hit with a club over the top of my head for the stupidity that I often call knowledge. I've read Psalm 7 before and I'm sure I liked it, but on this occasion, this instance, I was struck with God's incredibly different, but similar nature to us.

I wrote about the image of God on a separate occasion, so I will not continue to discuss that topic; however I find it necessary to bring up the image of God, because that is how we were created - to be with Him, with commonalities that draw us close. It's similar to other relationships in life. There has to be a link that draws people together. Even considering Sheldon, Leonard, Raj, and Howard in The Big Bang Theory shows that relationships require at least one link: Leonard. We were made with similarities to God for the purpose of attracting us to Him.

Those similarities are often the things that seem to separate us from Him as well. Take Psalm 7:4 - "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" God has given us a great responsibility and joy as his children, but as we consider the converse, how many of us are mindful of God? Do we, as His children, pay attention to Him because we love Him or because He gives us what we want? Do we see God as a loving and admonishing Father or as a Grandfather that we go to when we want candy?

Thus we see the Hero Paradox. God created us, nurtured us, forgave us, saved us, and and redeemed us, but we consider ourselves to be the hero. We puff ourselves up as if we've done something great. Have you considered that God was the One to give you your talent? Have you considered that God was the One to create you, guide you, and give you insight into life's mysteries? At what point were we ever the hero? Unfortunately it is only in our mind's eye.

Psalm 7:5, "You made [man] a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor," is not said to promote us, but rather the mighty and awesome power of God. Psalm 7:6, "You made him ruler over the wors of your hands; You put everything under his feet," is not talking about our power, but rather God's.

So if we are going to continue to be God's children, I think we need to consider Him a little bit more than ourselves during our daily reflections. "God forgive me, because I failed again" repeated five times is not thinking about God. Ask for His forgiveness and then move on to how awesome and wonderful He is. Enjoy Him for who He is, not what He gives. He is the true Hero and should be treated with all the reverence and respect that His title deserves.

The Cougar Den

cou-gar [koo-ger]

-noun, plural -gars, (especially collectively) -gar.

A woman (generally 35+) who seeks out younger men as prey.

This story was almost going to have a legendary title, but I thought that I would call it like it is. For those of you that do not believe that there are cougars out there, please be advised that the stories that you have heard are 95% true. This one is no exception...

It was during the summer of 2008 that I found myself involved in the production and distribution of wedding videos. I was working with a friend (the photographer), just sitting in on weddings for which the bride wanted video in addition to pictures. We had fun, don't get me wrong, but on this occasion, the summer heat was unbelievably unbearable to the extent that I was sweating like a kid who had just walked into his first candy shop and felt the unending joy and pain of his first sugar rush.

Most of the shooting had gone well up until the point of dinner. We (as the photographers) were allowed to eat with the rest of the guests and had our names on one of the tables. As we all went to get our seats, we realized that there were two extra people vying for our table. In an effort to be conscientious servants, we decided that I and the second photographer would sit at another table to accommodate the guests.

In moving to an alternate table I was a little disgruntled and uncomfortable; however it was not my wedding, so I had no room for complaint. Arriving at the table we noticed that there was one man and the rest women. They all seemed to be very comfortable with the man's vulgar and obscene gestures, as if they had grown up with him. While he was in his 50's, he talked like a football player in his 20's, which gave me cause for alarm.

The women at the table were much more varied than the man. The youngest was about my age at the time, while the oldest was about the same age as the man. The youngest was fair to look upon, but her mouth was the disturbing factor with her. I am not beguiled into thinking that every woman is a lady, but she and her girlfriends could almost discredit the whole sex.

As people were swapping names and stories with the second photographer, I sat by just watching. Not feeling the need to partake in the conversation, I was quickly brought out of my thoughts when I felt all eyes on me. A question was asked. What had been said? Who had asked me? Think - respond. They're expecting you to say something! OH - she had asked my name?

'And who might this young man in the blue be?'

'I'm Bryan,' I responded.

She was a brunette with long dark hair. She looked to be about 35-38 years old with the look of one looking for fun. By the dress she wore, one could tell that she enjoyed flaunting her figure. Answer her - she's asking another question!

'Are you single?' An innocent question, right? I mean, they have all been sharing their stories, so apparently they want to know mine.

'Yes.' STUPID! Why would you give out that information? You know what's coming next! Idiot.

As she walked around the table to talk more directly to me she asked, 'So, do you like older women?' WHAT? What on earth would possess her to ask me something like that?! Idiot, you should NEVER talk with strangers. They are nothing but trouble! Think - she's coming around the table for a response.

'Well, I work at a college and am really more interested in college-aged girls.' Phew that worked. No it didn't - that was a stupid answer. Oh wait, she's responding - pay attention.

'Oh, that's interesting.' She is running her hands through her fingers...what could that mean? Why is she not walking away? Did I not give the proper response to turn her away? She is talking again...'Well, it would be interesting if you changed your mind.' Oh good, she is walking away. Don't make eye contact. By this time the second photographer was looking at me with a smirk on his face. Great, what else was I supposed to do? She was clearly intoxicated, so why did it matter that I just said, 'no.' With the amount of alcohol that they had consumed already, I was not surprised by her actions. Or was I?

For the rest of the wedding I did everything that I could to ensure that we stayed apart. Even when the women wanted to give us hugs at the end, I made sure that they were quick. I had no intention to stay around after dark with these women. Nothing good could come out of it. Walk away...walk away...

The Legend of the Zip Line

There are some that have a genuine fear of the outdoors. Others, it seems, cannot live without it. I, however, have grown accustomed to life in the city for a variety of reasons, only one of which I will share today.

Let me say at the onset that I am not opposed to the outdoors. It is just that I have been scarred beyond recovery and need to take it slowly...

Once upon a time...who uses this phrase anymore? I would've used something more appropriate, but couldn't think of a better intro. Once upon a time I went to church camp. As a general rule I went every year, but there were times of hardship during which my family could not afford to pay for it. During this particular incident I found myself thoroughly enjoying life as a teenager, expecting that camp would last forever and I would never have to return home only to attend another year of school.

We had already been participating in outdoor activities which included several team-building exercises. For those of you that have attended camp at some point in your life you know what I'm talking about. Everyone has to come together as a team in order to break down the barriers between us and become friends - that kind of stuff.

After the team-building exercises we were introduced to the zip line. Now - a zip line is a cable that has been strung from two points (generally trees) that allows the person to quickly "zip" or move through the air from the highest point to the other. This being the case, the zip line has to be set up in the air (definitely a few feet off of the ground) in order to accomplish the trick.

To start, I have a fear of heights. Some would call this acrophobia, but I just call it losing my stomach at the thought of falling from a height of more than 1 foot. So, to even look up at the zip line made my blood start to quiver. Actually...just thinking about the tall tree that would eventually spell my doom is starting to make my stomach turn.

Climbing to the top seemed like an eternity. It was a rope ladder that wouldn't stay still if my life depended on it. Who in their right mind would want to climb a waving tendril of death?? Once I got to the top, I was strapped in and given a couple of directions. Face forward, keep your feet in front of you, don't turn your back to the tree, when you get to the end, Scott will catch you. My guide also pointed out that there was a wooden block set in place to slow my momentum at the point of impact.

As we counted down from whatever arbitrary number seemed to please my guide at the time, I realized that my heart was racing. GO! And I jumped. And I lost my stomach. And I was pretty sure that if I hadn't gone to the bathroom beforehand, that I would've at that moment in time. Down I went. Because people were watching me, I thought I'd try to erase the fear that had left me clinging to the rope. Think good thoughts. Focus on the target.

You know, it's not as bad as one might thing. You just have to get used to the sensation of losing all control of your life and allowing nature to take its course. HA. Twisting...I'm twisting. What do I do? Just enjoy the ride. Wait - where's the tree? Oh - it's a ways off. Plus, there's the wooden block to slow my roll. Oh, and there's Scott on the platform, waiting to catch me.

Wooden block. OK - brace for impact. Contact with wooden block. Still sailing through. At this point in time everything around me slowed down to an eternity. It was like I could see the world around me in HD slow motion. Apparently the wooden block hadn't done the job, because I was still flying at the speed of...say a hawk intent on catching its prey. Oh wait, Scott can catch me.

Just passed Scott. Apparently I was going to fast for him to catch the rope and I slid right past. However, I could still see the shock on his face as I was looking at him rather than at my final resting place. The last thought that went through my mind before impact was, 'Don't forget to keep your feet in front of you.' I quickly tried to turn so that my back wasn't facing the tree that I was about to hit. I had about 2 feet to complete the twist.

Too late. My back was now coming in contact with the tree. More specifically, my back collided with a stub of a branch that had been cut off. Why someone would leave a foot left on the branch is beyond me, since that seemed to be the thing that had induced pain of the acutest kind. Not only had I met the tree with an incredible impact, but also all of my energy and momentum had been expended on that one branch. If you know anything about physics, you will understand the extent to which this would cause pain.

I slowly started moving back toward Scott who was waiting to catch me on the platform. He asked if I was OK, but I could only respond with, 'get me down, because I can't breathe.' He quickly unstrapped me from the zip line and laid me on the platform. At this point I felt as if a rib had been broken. At bare minimum I felt as if my heart had been punctured...OK, not exactly since it was the right side of my back, but close enough.

I remember people running to get the camp nurse. All of the sudden I see Phil running at breakneck speed to the platform. He doesn't even run like that for softball, so I knew that something was up. Once we found out that my skin hadn't even been punctured, I felt as if all of that pain was for nothing. No one would believe I was hurt if there was no blood. That's whack!

Unfortunately I had to spend the rest of the day (until dinner) under observation, because I couldn't bear the shame of being out in public. Who runs into a tree? Good grief, at the very least I could've put my feet out to stop my momentum, but NO - I had to do things the hard way.

The zip line has thus become a legend in my own mind. If not for that incident, I might not be as afraid of outdoor obstacle courses. But alas, I am what I am. For better or worse...probably the latter, not the former. I hope that you can draw insight from this story. When going on a zip line, please remember to look where you're going, and not where you've been...

Space Mountain

Yes - it is one of my favorite rides at Disneyland. That not withstanding, I now have a complex about the ride, due to a series of complications that my family and I faced one year while enjoying our time at the happiest place on earth. The words that follow are now as accurate a description as I can portray from the agony that arose from Space Mountain: The Ride of Shame. Consequently, this also happens to be the second Disneyland story to complicate my life...which makes me start to wonder...

It was a day to start off the summer season. My family and I were in Anaheim for my sister's graduation and decided that at least one day during our trip should be dedicated to the Disneyland monument. Since Space Mountain is one of our favorite rides, it was definitely in the queue to visit - and by visit, I mean about 3-4 times (obviously in between fits of stuffing our faces with the most glorious food available). 

Standing in line during our first visit got us to thinking about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. While enjoying our time in line, we decided to see if we could shake the walkway that crosses over the actual roller coasters. We thought it hilarious that when all of us jumped at the same time, we were able to shake the walkway. At the same time, we were also a little surprised and scared that we were able to shake the walkway.

There were 12 of us for the first trip, so we took up a full roller coaster. As an aside, I think that being able to fill your own coaster is awesome, because then others don't have to deal with the annoyance of your incredibly awkward personal jokes and obnoxious laughter. We were already screaming at the top of our lungs when we pulled up the first 10 feet to the control tower. We waited, and waited, and waited, but were not allowed to proceed. Instead of going to the right, we were steered to the left.

At this point, I didn't know that there was a problem. I actually thought we were going through a secret tunnel - stupid, I know, but my imagination is amazingly vivid. Secondary thoughts racing through our heads were ones of guilt...wondering if we were in trouble for causing so much ruckus on the walkway. The attendant told us that the coaster's speakers were broken and that we would have to go on the next one. We insisted that they were working just fine, since we could hear them right next to our ears, but they wouldn't listen to 'reason'. They split us up and we took two different carts...totally not the same experience.

Not wishing to have a ruined experience, we went back later on that night. By the time we actually got to the coasters it was nearing 8:30-9pm. Hungry and extremely excited we, once again, boarded a coaster. Our family completed a full roster of 12, but there were 1 or 2 replacements from the previous trip. We pulled up to the control tower and waited. And waited. After about 2 minutes (an eternity in roller coaster time), we were guided to the left, only this time we went through the curtains that were blocking our path before. We were taken to a back room where we waited to see what the attendant had to say.

He politely asked us to get out of the cart, because it was broken and they needed to put us into another one. We said that this had already happened earlier in the day and that we didn't believe that the cart was actually broken. At this, the attendant looked at us with a start and asked what had happened. After we conveyed the short version of the story, he looked down with a sheepish grin and a slightly embarrassed look in order to regain his momentary loss of composure. When he looked up he said, "There's no easy way to say this. The coaster is too heavy. There is a maximum weight limit in order for the coaster to function properly, and you have exceeded it."

At this, the majority of us were caught with fits of laughter, so much to the point that the attendant didn't know what to do. He looked up at us with surprise, since he was unsure of how to react, and when we told him that this was the funniest thing that had happened all day (besides, of course, the Eel Man story, which was related to you in a previous blog), he felt comfortable enough to lose his embarrassment and join in on the laugh.

After that, there was no stopping us from having fun. He split us up - 6 of us took up a coaster of our own, while the other six were with three kids, not older than 12. As we went through the ride, which was one of my most thrilling experiences through Space Mountain, we found ourselves screaming at the top of our lungs. Upon exiting the ride, we were immediately funneled through to the Spaceport cafeteria. Seeing as how we had just impressed the amazingly awesome attendant with our ability to stop a coaster twice in one day, we headed straight to the cafeteria for our 9pm meal.

I never stop remembering or retelling this story every time that I ride on Space Mountain. It seems cruel that I would have to suffer through two Disneyland experiences in one trip (the second being the Eel Man as previously stated), but you hardly get a story better than this to tell your grandchildren. I hope this has brought joy to your day.

Imago Dei

In the image of God...This is an interesting concept that gives us both freedom and responsibility in regard to our faith. Not only are we made in God's image, but also we have His Spirit living within us as a beliver in Jesus Christ. But what does all of this really mean?

There are two questions with which I have struggled over the past week to both comprehend and answer, each giving way to my response to God. The first, 'But who do you say that I am?' is a question posed by Jesus nearing the time of His betrayal. After asking His disciples what people thought of Him, He posed this intimate question to find out what His disciples thought as well. To answer it, one would have to consider the mind of the disciples at this time. These were people that spent a considerable amount of time with Jesus. In fact, Peter, James, and John, were with Him constantly as His closest and most trusted friends. They were being asked the hard question - 'Who do YOU say that I am?' It was no longer a matter of 'Do you call Me your friend?' but rather one of 'Do you call Me the Christ, the Messiah?'

As a child who grew up in church, Jesus was an amazing character who made stories come to life. He was the reason why we celebrated. He was the reason why we worshipped. He was the reason for our savlation. And none of that has changed. What has changed is my view of the Christ. I've grown out of my childhood thinking that Jesus was a character that came down and helped me when I bruised my knee. But when I stop to consider the depth of my sin, the awfulness of my depravity, it seems that I need a bigger bandaid that covers more than just my knee. Jesus is the One to save me from my sins, but He's asking the question...'Who do you say that I am?' Do I truly believe that He is the Christ?

Hmm...do I truly believe that He is the Christ? It's a serious question for each of us to consider. But do I? The obvious answer is 'yes,' the more sublte answer is 'yes, but not with my whole heart.' See, if I truly believed with my whole heart, I wouldn't hang on to the things of the world. I wouldn't have to stop in mid-sentence and ponder the question. I would know.

The second question is, 'What do I know of holy?' It comes from a song (unfortunately I do not know the artist) and provokes a deep answer. But I consider these questions to be linked. When I stand in the presence of the Most High and He asks me what I know about holiness, what will be my answer? That I went to church every week? That I read my Bible? NO. My answer has to answer the question of holiness. Do you sin? Do you continually sin? Are you so pure, that no blemish is found within your heart? If you were being offered up as a sacrifice for the rest of the world, would you actually be able to save them as a lamb without spot?

I believe holiness to be linked to a blameless and spotless conscience. One that is not beguiled by the world or anything that goes against the will of God. Holiness (again, just my opinion) is derived from following the perfect will of God without question or doubt. If sin is us turning away from God's will and going against Him, then holiness is the complete devotion to His calling.

So what do I know about holiness? Have I experienced a holy life? Have I lived without spot or blemish? This question is one that has brought me to a dead stop. The fact that I had to think about it tells me that I'm not entirely convinced of my innocence. It makes sense that I am a human and a sinner, but have I thought more of myself than I ought? You can't equate ignorance with blamelessness.

And this brings me back to the image of God. We have been created in His image, for His pleasure. So what have we been doing with that responsibility? First, and foremost, do we consider God to be 'God' or just another character in our lives? Secondly, what are we doing to uphold the image of God? He hates sin and will not associate with it, so do we have sin that is keeping us from God? Lastly, is our entire life devoted to a myth, a legend, or a real and amazingly awesome Creator of the Universe that is ready and willing to cleanse us and give us a completely new life in Him?

The question is not whether or not you are a Christian, but rather do you serve the God of this universe with your entire life, so as to be named blameless on the day of judgement?

The Eel Man

Once upon a time, when I was much younger and much leaner, I went to Disneyland. Now, for those of you that know me, you will recognize the significance of this story as it relates to the joy in my life. I am an avid Disneyland fan for many reasons, one of which is Space Mountain (information on this ride will be forthcoming with a new post). The most amazing ride - EVER. But, I digress..

It happened on a warm evening in May, around the time of my younger sister's graduation. The entire family (including extended family) were gathered at Disneyland in celebration of my younger sister's accomplishment. I won't go into details about her flaunting the fact that she graduated in 3.5 years, while I only did it in 4, because this story needs to contain the joy of my life through this time. We had gathered on Main Street to watch the Princess Parade - no, it was not my idea, nor my choice. While waiting we entertained ourselves with the priceless tricks from the magic shop. Tricks like...the dollar snatcher.

After waiting for about 20 minutes, the music finally came through the speakers on the street and the announcement that the parade was starting brought joy to our hearts (yes, this is a moment for Leonard to hold up Sheldon's sarcasm sign). The parade began and carried on with it's usual girlishness (despite the number of male dancers observed making a mockery of everything we consider to be masculine). About halfway through the parade came Ariel float (from the Little Mermaid for those of you less versed in Disney mythology).

At this point in the parade I didn't think anything of the Ariel float, because I didn't like the movie. Well, I take that back - I probably looked upon it with distaste. But while carrying on in my semi-conscious state, I was surprised with a sudden fear that usually accompanies those closest to death. There...staring straight at me were two beady, yellow eyes. Never had I seen anything so gross as these bulging eyes. I was immediately conscious of other pairs of eyes upon me as my family watched with horror and anticipation. Slowly the fear in their eyes turned to laughter as they watched the following scene play out.

I followed the yellow eyes to their owner - an eel. I followed the eel, suspended as it was from a pole, to its owner - a man. I remember, very vividly, the look of the man as he peered down into my eyes for what seemed an eternity. He was of dark complexion and slim - not fit, but rather gaunt. His lack of girth also contributed to his slender head and the way that his own eyes bulged out looking back at me. In retrospect, I am unsure as to whether or not his eyes were bulging out of passion or merely physical appearance. In any case, it seems as if he was intent on staring me down.

He wore a body stocking that hugged his body very nicely (speaking in terms that women would understand, for I was not attracted to him). The blue and purple body stocking included a cap, which sealed off his head and made him look as if he were wearing plastic wrap, rather than a costume. I include these minute details, because they help to transfer the reader to another place and time - one that I was extremely anxious to leave.

So that is his description. Now I shall relate to you his actions...

His lips were pursed as if showing off his best fish face. I remember that part, because I thought he wanted to kiss me. His body waved to and fro as if he were a member of the ocean community, just going with the flow of the tide. And there was something about his hips...they rocked with the attitude of lust, rather than the grace of a dancer. His body and limbs all formed one cohesive unit with the eel, so as to transfer his rocking motion from the hips to the lips of the animal. Since the lips of the eel were the closes unit to me (a mere 2 inches away), I found it hard to pull myself away. I was drawn in as the bugs are drawn to the light.

During this entire escapade, I wondered what my family was doing. Surely they hadn't left me all alone with the wolf! As I peered out of the corner of my eyes, I could see them, chuckling violently and holding their sides so that their stomachs wouldn't burst. Did anyone support me? NO! Did anyone find a way to distract the eel man? Absolutely NOT! There I was, a mockery of all things foolish, set up on display for the world to get a laugh. Even now, I can't live up to the shame of those two dreadfully long minutes of terror. Anytime the eel man is brought up in casual conversation, I find my face going flush and my mind starts to spin. Trust me - it's not out of desire for the man, but rather the humiliation of having him come on to me so strongly.

If there is any consolation, it is this - that you might get a chuckle from the pain of my past. I hope you enjoyed this session as there will be more to come. Until then, God bless!

God's Timeline

Have you ever wondered about how God views time? I know that we cannot actually speak on His behalf, except to use answers from the Bible. However, I've often wondered about how to interpret the Bible's use of time.

God is the Alpha and Omega. So He was here when the world was created (duh - He created it), but He will also be here through the end of the world. Or - is He already in the end of the world? If God knows everything that was, is, and will be, then doesn't it seem likely that He is able to live in the past, present, and future all at the same time?

I've often thought of God as an Editor of a film. He has the individual incidents that happen to people cataloged (and quite possibly playing) so that at any given moment, He will bring to view the actions of a person. Each action is one part of the film that is spliced together as a person lives his or her life. But, God also sees the film in its entirety. It's more like 3-D, or even 6-billion-D, because everything plays at the same time and He has the capacity to process everything at once. We thought that Pixar had an amazing set of supercomputers...

So while God can see all of time as it exists on a continuum, it seems that He is also living/reliving every bit of it with us. He knows what's going to happen, but He watches it unfold as if He had never seen it before. It's similar to me watching the Bourne Identity yet again. I know that movie so well that I can quote it, and yet I still sit down and watch it with the attention of child that was just given a piece of candy to chew.

Then comes the nature of God's forgiveness. If He knows all and sees all (past, present, and future), then what does it mean to cast our sins away from Him as far as the East is from the West? Does it mean that He throws the DVD into the other room of His house so that He won't see it? I don't know...I've pictured something like that happening. But I think that a more realistic idea is that He takes the sin out of His general recall memory. It will be recalled on the day of judgement, but for now, it has been tossed aside. He may remember it...but I'm just thinking out loud...

The Rally's Incident

At some point, each and every one of us turns back to a point in our lives that plays on in infamy. For me, one of those times (there will be more to come) is the Rally's incident. As those in my office will attest to, the Rally's incident is much more than a story of passion and love, but also one of pure hilarity that decreases my life with each telling. Therefore, I am laying it all out in word, to prevent the need for future retellings.

As many of you know, Rally's (AKA Checkers in other parts of the world) is one of my favorite fast food places. At one point in my life, I frequented Rally's with the tenacity of a teen-aged boy that is filling his appetite by emptying each and every cupboard in the house. That changed one September day when I stopped by Rally's to pick up dinner before class.

It was a Monday evening - not quite dark, but getting there. As I pulled up to the window, there was a woman there to welcome me with her wonderful smile. OK - to be honest, she hadn't yet turned to me, because she was hanging halfway out of the window yelling to her friend across the parking lot, 'Aight boo, I'll talk to you later. Love ya babe.' Then she quickly added in a tone that only I could hear, 'Even if you didn't get me anything for my birthday.' I said to myself, 'Self, that's interesting...I wonder if she actually likes that person.' Then Shaniqua (a name given by the wonderful staff with whom I work due to the fact that her real identity should remain anonymous) turned to me and grunted, 'Mmmm, you are lookin' SEXY today.'

Luckily for me, I was still wearing my sunglasses. I didn't have the temerity to respond, so I just looked up and smiled. She said, 'Now I may just be gettin' tired, but mmhmm, you are lookin' good.' Normally one would take this as a compliment. I, however, was rather embarrassed and did everything that I could to avoid eye contact - oh wait, I was still wearing sunglasses. She took my money and then disappeared into the window.

By this time another worker had brought my meal, but I was still waiting for Shaniqua to bring me my change. When she finally reappeared at the window she said, 'Why you bring him his food so fast, I wanted to look at him longer,' to her coworker. At this point, the only thing I could think about was getting my money and leaving, which I did rather promptly.

Now, many people have offered advice as to how to handle a situation like this. Some have suggested that I should have played along with the game. Others suggested that I report her for coming to work in a drunken stupor. All the same, at that moment in time I was frozen to the point of immobility and scared to open my mouth and say something stupid. Not that it would have been any worse than her comments, but really...I was at a loss for words.

As you read this, just remember my friends at Rally's and stop by every once in a while to see if you can spot Shaniqua. This is a true story, but now it's out and I can rest in peace.