When Super Mario Bros & Dating Collide

There seems to be somewhat of a discrepancy over the different stages in getting to know someone. What many people don't actually understand, and seems to be a lesser-known fact, is the idea that dating is not simply defined as it used to be in the golden days. When I was in elementary school, if you wanted to date someone, you called it "goin' around." That was it. There weren't multiple steps or stages or whatever. We didn't kiss, because that was such a disgusting idea, that only the most raunchy of students actually tried it. When I moved into high school, it was no longer called "goin' around," but was changed to "dating." OK, that's still pretty simple.

Now, with the addition of social media into our world, there is a WHOLE new slew of stages that takes the concept of "dating" to a whole new level. I've described it in terms of Super Mario Bros for the sake of all of the guys out there that are still confused.

World One: Gently Stalking - This happens until the two become friends on Facebook. Generally speaking, this is the introduction phase, where you're learning how to play the game.

World Two: Texting - This is a casual conversation that allows the exchange of information, but no emotional connection. You probably think that you have a handle on things, but don't get cocky.

World Three: The Coffee Date - You are now able to establish an emotional connection in a Starbucks (or similar coffee shop), without feeling trapped or overwhelmed.

World Four: The Actual Date - If you are the guy, you wear jeans and a button-down, so as not to seem too excited, and take the girl to a restaurant that has been pre-approved by your non-dating-status girl friends. If you are the girl, you wear pants and a nice blouse that says, "Don't get crazy."

World Five: The First Call - This is initiated by the guy, because the girl doesn't want to seem too forward. He's usually unsure as to how long after the date to call, because Google data analysis still hasn't caught up to the modern age of social media awkwardness.

World Six: The Dating Phase - If you've passed World Five, then you are now launched into one of the longest levels of your life. It will seem insurmountable, but there are hints below to help you pass this level.

World Seven: The Question - There are multiple theories as to the best plan of attack for this level. If you don't keep a healthy balance at this point, then you won't follow through to the end. The question is only asked when you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you got this.

World Eight: The Wedding - You've Saved the Princess! Not yet...You are now facing the moment of truth. You have persisted and maintained your lives all the way up to this point. This is the final battle that will decide the truth of your relationship.

You will definitely need help throughout this process. If you think that you can do it alone, don't even try. The following are hints to help you along the way.

Warps - If you've played the game before, or at least been coached along the way, then you will find ways to warp between worlds. If this option is available and is not going to hurt you in the long run, then take advantage of it.

1-Ups - You NEED these. There is no way that you can make it through without these. You are going to make mistakes, so save your 1-Ups for the times when you make mistakes. Not only will they give you new life, but also they will give you a chance to rethink your plan.

Pause - There have been attempts to drink caffeinated beverages and just streak through the game without stopping. Don't do this. Take your time, if necessary, to pause and reflect. And...use the bathroom as necessary.

Coins - You can make it through the game without collecting coins, but it would be better to grab as many as you can. Pay attention to opportunities to gather more coins. Don't stop to get them, if it will hurt your time, but don't just pass them by without paying attention. You will need the 1-Ups that they bring.

Fire Flower - There will be times when you feel as if you are completely on fire. Enjoy it. Bask in it. But remember, it doesn't last forever. You still need to brush up on your overall skills, because the Fire Flower will not always be around to rescue you.

Starman - These are less common than Fire Flower, but allow you to blaze through anything without being affected. Please take caution when using the Starman. If you run out of your invincible power and are not paying attention, then you will surely die.

Remember that Bowser is just that - Bowser. He represents every guy that stands in your way of rescuing the princess. Don't let them defeat you. They will act stronger, tougher, and some may even spit game; but, don't let that stop you. You have ONE mission: Rescue the princess!

Good luck!