Letters to My Wife, Chapter 7

Do you remember when we were dating and I would always ask, “Are you good? Are you OK?” I think you finally just punched me to get me to shut up. Or kissed me. Either one would’ve done the trick. I used to make you so irritated when I would ask that, because, of course, you were perfectly capable of telling me whenever something wasn’t right.

It was just part of the learning process. I would do something stupid, you would look at me to say, “You’re an idiot,” and we’d both laugh and move on. But, there was something more going on than the surface tit-for-tat. We were learning what worked and what didn’t.

I realized that my entire goal was to make you happy, but it wasn’t in a way that meant giving you everything. It was in a way that would point you back to the love of God for His child. While I don’t get a lot of things right, I do know how to point people back to the Father. I think that’s what makes me different – sets me apart from many others. The waiting, the watching, and the preparation all lead me back to one thing: God has gifted me, so that I can gift back to Him through you.

I think this started when I was really young. I would watch my dad take care of my mom. She was fully capable of taking care of herself, but it was a delight to see how they meshed together to work as one. It wasn’t “her” job to feed us and care for us.  In fact, my father actually liked feeding us when we were too small to take care of ourselves. I see it now as he cares for his new children.

He ended up doing dishes, rather than watching a ballgame on TV. If mom was working, dad was working just as hard to take care of the house, the yard, and to provide for the family. Again, this is not to say that she is incapable, but rather to bring to light that their relationship was a two-way street.

I desired that same relationship, one that would allow me to care for my wife and give back to her. It really brings to light the words of Jesus as He said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Sure, we all want things, but those things seem to matter less as we learn that giving takes their place.

A friend made the following statement to encapsulate how I feel about serving you:

“Bryan, your desire is to love someone so deeply, so intimately, that God has placed that desire in your heart for a long time now. I don’t think you could date someone like you. It seems that you have to find someone that is so different, not because it makes you hardcore, but because you are the only person who could ever show them the love of God through what He has given you.”

And, it’s not one-sided. You have given me so much more than you could ever comprehend. My hope – my desire – is that neither of us is left feeling empty, because everything that we do points us back to the love of Christ.

Chapter 1 :: Chapter 2 :: Chapter 3 :: Chapter 4 :: Chapter 5 :: Chapter 6

The Legacy That You Leave

I think that if my dad were to read my blogs on a regular basis, he would argue emphatically that I should not post the following...because it's about him...and he's humble. So I'll continue on as if he's not reading and, I guess, deal with the forgiveness aspect at a later date.

I was in a conference today with Thom Rainer as the keynote. It was in the 2nd or 3rd session that I heard something very profound - a story of the time that he preached his father's funeral. At the time he realized the significance of his father's life, because the whole town of 3500 people showed up to the service and they had to relocate to a hill by the cemetery to accomodate all of the people. As I sat there listening to his story, my eyes began to water when I thought of my dad and the pride I have of calling him my father. In fact, I'm nearly in tears (sitting outside of Starbucks) right now as I recall my previous emotions of the day.

You may ask, "Bryan, why were you in tears? Was it because you think 3500 people will show up to your father's funeral service?" On the contrary, no. Because my father has never been one to reach the masses. As I look back on my 27 years with him, I see (very profoundly) that he ministers to the few, in the hope - burning desire even - that they will reach the masses.

There was also a public funeral for the fallen officers in last week's shooting over at People's Church (across town). It was a very large and very open funeral, because many people desired to show their appreciation for an officer's willingness to lay his/her life on the line to defend their public constituents. But that's also not the kind of funeral that my Poppi will have.

No - his will consist of the people that mattered most in life to him: his personal family and his church family. There will, no doubt, be a number of people there, but it will not be a public or open display of people to whom he showed affection. It will be the people that he ministered to on a daily basis, who will go on to minister to the masses.

No one publicly remembers that he is the voice of reason - that he is the man with more wisdom that most of his peers. No one continually voices how well he did in the sermon on Sunday, because he wasn't preaching - he was praying for the preacher. No one remembers that he went to college, because he didn't - he worked his entire life to be faithful to God so that each and every one of his kids could go through college and receive a better education.

No one will mention that he went to another country to save the masses, because he didn't - he just adopted one that will grow up to do that. No one will recognize his contribution to social justice issues, because he had none of his own - he continually fought so that just one would minister to hundreds of poor, needy, homeless, broken, shattered women in slavery and prostitution. No one will comment that he saved the city, because he only trained one to go out to city block after city block and keep our streets safe. No one will see how he taught others, because there was just one that he raised to go out and exemplify godly principles to class after class of elementary students.

And no one will say that he built up a church to its fullest potential, because he only poured into one that would go on to minister to the hearts of hundreds of congregants.

There's something to be said for the one that ministered to the few so that the thousands would be reached. And THAT is why I love my Poppi. THAT is why I thank God for his faithfulness. THAT is why my father is great.

You may not have had the same experience. And you may not know the full potential of this message, but he seems to just find one at a time and I'm sure that you can be next.